I can never actually find a word that accurately describes and fits my mood to its truest form. ::sigh:: I was on the phone with Jacob for some while yesterday evening... somehow I can always find a silly way to make him feel terrible while I, in fact, am being made feel terrible at the same time. I really just miss him calling sometimes... and talking about what happened during the day. What might happen the next day. Dave talked about celibacy and Mother Theresa yesterday. While I was sitting amist such a conversation I had a slight urge to proclaim, "THAT COULD BE ME." But I'm beginning to realize... I don't think that's me. Hah. I think God has someone for me... like He has given so many others. I'm just pretty aware that He doesn't want any of that marriage thinking these days when I am very able and on fire for Him... he wants me to be a mover and a shaker. ... but what that entails... pfffft. I had to lay down a lot of rights yesterday evening... a lot of feelings. I don't know, but I think God made me a promise last night. It was a great promise... Then again, He has a ton of promises, but this one... it was specific. Love. What a hard word to say. I can write it with so much ease... and I'm pretty glad. I've become very adjusted to that word in the sense that I can love everyone... since I'm loving them through Christ... but the hardest part, I think, is that small portion of my heart that I'm unable to love God fully... it's nearly impossible to love Him wholly with our hearts, I believe... because otherwise we wouldn't love people with those pieces, and love would not hurt anymore. But we are human, flawwed, always sinning, but I will always try to love Him fully with my entire heart. I get the E for effort... and the A for appreciation. I want to give him the A for appreciation. Always.