I don't quite know what makes me so hostile... what makes me resent Jake so much, but I knew... from the time he texted me, today was just filled with bad news. He has committed two years. That is two years I refuse to commit to him HOW CAN HE POSSIBLY HURT? He doesn't know pain like mine. Load it up Jake, let me really contemplate suicide today. Chuckle on the side. And I won't say a word. Now his mother wants to talk... so sad. I told him that I wanted him to never speak to me again as on one extreme. It seems easier... I couldn't sit near him... I could not stand to be in a car with him... This was such an intense feeling that I called my mother for a ride home. Who would have ever thought? Honestly... It's not fair. It just isn't fair And I can't find any way to feel okay. How is Nick so receptive? We were sitting on the couch and he was doing his homework, and all of the sudden he writes, "It's okay" on my hand... that's all. I think I see God speak to me through him all of the time. It's kind of amazing. I helped Nick a bit with his packet... then Jake came in... and I wished he wasn't there. :-(