Besides what usually plagues a girl on the cusp of 18 sweet years of well earned liberation... I'm mostly just trying to coast through these remaining few weeks of my high school experience. I'm sick of my music, my responsibilities, my schedules, and my lack of empathy. Is it sad? You bet. Jake and I near our year anniversary. I can't quite figure out why I've been making such a large deal out of it... but it's almost like we've really pulled through a lot of hard times where I would have given up with anyone else. Jake, he's strong, he wouldn't let me pull out with a good reason. I'm really proud of him... I wish I had a different way of showing it. I just don't know really much how to respond when he says, "Don't go to college." Is it bad that I want to listen to him? I wish I would hear from God... anything... just to confirm what I'm doing... what I'm pursuing... that it just all alights Him. Vocabulary usage is just now beginning to resurface... after I killed myself trying to pump out this horrible paper for humanities. Back breaking... Jake has alluded, or rather, quite blatantly stated that he will be away for longer than a year's time. I'm finding I need a new way to gauge time... really, just a way that works for me. I can't really consider him being gone four-eight samoas. Oh em gee. That's right, I used a pathetic acronym to express my anticipated horror. I'm thinking I could probably be a tad more supportive in this whole DTS business... mostly because he's listening to God. That's good. That's actually really amazing. I'll wave my goodbyes into the night and say... I am so in love with the audition for some strange reason. They are... some adjective not yet spoken from my lips... Their sounds is like a large party. I enjoy it... there's so much going on. I'm only slightly appalled at myself -- all due to the fact that I am currently enjoying the "ecclectic" stylings of Chris Brown. Hahah Loyalty to my boyfriend/best friend has never been an issue. Dying on him, that seems a larger issue than everything else. I really wish I could find the root of this seed of sadness planted in the depths of my heart. Blah, overly sensitiveness takes my person on more than one ocassion. I think I have a problem.