For once... I think I walked away from a conversation with Jake and not having any unsaid burning points still pounding within my mind. It was nice. I'm realizing that I connect so much easier with people who I am not familiar with; people who I am uncomfortable with... to whom I am comfortable speaking. So odd. I told Jake everything in the most honest and sincere way -- totally unaffected by emotion and disappointment. I completely verbalized what was on my mind -- my words were clear and articulate... we had a satisfying conversation about God... I think I could like this person. Every now and then... I get this weird, I'm not sure what word could accurately explain this feeling, but it's like a surge of enchantment. One of those, "This is where I am supposed to be" kind of feelings. I like those. I felt so much more content with him today, less insecure about all of those things... I'm less concerned with impressing him and more oriented over pleasing the wonderful God I serve. For reaaal. Ha. I love being able to just be a nut... a total dork and not care. I love how he scratches my back and how he is very aware and careful of our physical interaction. We did set new boundaries, and I do not intend to labor outside of them. I totally respect him... and I told him I missed him and how excited I was to get anything from him. I owned up to my flaws and my misconceptions... we are different in a good way. Praise God and all that He has given me to love. He sent me this family, these friends, this boy who has taught me so much. Most importantly I found my Jesus. Aw aw aw. Yeah. It's true. I so want to have fun with him, but most of the time I feel like he watches. Jake's still feeling me out... getting used to my behaviors, my patterns, and my habits. He said something profound in the car. "I wish you'd just come to be instead of going straight to the pen." It's true. Part of me has strayed so far from that... and when he came back, it's like everything that was terrible fell from it's stationary position and picked right back up. I do not enjoy that. I think I'll be able to get over that. I think we'll be able to have fun together. I know we'll have more talks. And I know that this feeling of confidence in our whatever we have right now... it will have a permanence. I want to appreciate everything Jake can bring to the table. I hope he can do the same for me. God should be our focal point. I just don't know how to do that. I think I misheard Jake, but it sounded like he said that we weren't pursuing God together. Are we? I thought we were. Well, in a way -- separately, but he's new to this. To me. We're just new. He's a friend right now. That's awful to see in writing. Just a friend. Goodness. This is long.