I sometimes question why I am involved in a relationship. I know it's probably because I have a deep-rooted insecurity that needs some reassurance... something that makes me afraid that they will leave. That he won't want me. That he wouldn't be mine. But he never really will be mine. He is shared. And I am thankful. Though I still cannot comprehend a relationship with no end goal. What are we working towards? "Yay. We're going for one year." Is it to outlast? Is it to retain purity? To make an example of ourselves? I have no idea how this will transpire. I'm not intentionally questioning the result of several years of a relationship. Perhaps it's to grow? I don't really know if I serve/he serves as a catalyst to his/my maturity whether it be spiritually/mentally. I want a purpose... but will that be revealed? I shall never know. But I want to. And I know that I can love. But I don't feel loved. Not by him. I feel cared for. I suppose that's what it's all about. But I can get that from anyone. Of my friends. Of my family. Of my acquaintances. Is it the way he cares? Pfft. Like I know. Or would admit that. Gay.