I want to write this all while it remains so fresh within my mind. The wonderful boy – man (he is? Goodness), that I am so glad to identify as my significant other showed up at my No Compromise practice to see me. Just see me. I wish I could thank him more than I do… treat him better, be nicer, be sweeter. It seems now, more than ever, he is far more ready for a relationship. I am so impressed with him. I guess I don’t really vocalize the positive aspects of him as much as I would like to – there are so many, they are so in my face, all of the time. Most of the time I want to just sit beside him and talk about where he has been, or what his favorite color is, or how different our colors are perceived, or just pray. I’d really like to pray with him… I’m so frightened for some ineffable reason. It’s really intimate… in the sense that it is so personal and I feel absolutely vulnerable when I am in prayer. I think that may be where I don’t want him to go. That is a boundary. Why though? Goodness. Today, or rather this evening, I whined my brains out, nothing was good enough after that practice. I could hardly see what was happening at practice… my eyes were giving me silly colors and her hands moved so fast. It hurt. Then I was just a sorry sap who would have been better on the benches. I just hate not succeeding… but again, that’s not what we are all about in that organization. We’re about Jesus. And dancing for him. He died for me, how could that possibly repay such an extravagant death? It won’t. But I can praise my Father and His sacrifice through such an activity… and bring others to see His light. I want to do that… maybe Wednesday? Jake puts things in perspective for me, I really like that. I really like him. Holy Wow… my great grandfather and great uncle sent me 1,000 a piece for my mission trip to France. Good golly. I am so utterly wowed. I have no idea what to do with myself. I want to dance. Why did I let that practice get me down? I got to tell Mrs. Juda – I think that’s what I wanted most, and I think God knew that. Aw, I’m so pleased. She’s been through this with me this whole time… and I think I should pay her back for that passport. I know she helped me get most of that money. Or all of it. I love her. So much. So I just had to flush all of that Jake to Hawaii stuff out for the last time (for this present moment). It makes me miss him – and subconsciously ruin what time we have now. I’m so terrified. Whhhyyyyy? What on earth has he done to make me so enamored and so mesmerized? I guess it’s the fact that he is the most gentlemanly sir that I have happened upon… he immediately intrigued me upon our initial meeting. Who knew? WHO KNEW? Besides God… he had some awesome plan for us. For me, like WOAH. I don’t know how to encourage Jake. I feel like a cornball most of the time. I said some honestly sincere things today in the car right before he walked me to my door. I don’t know why they came out, but sometimes you just need to hear it. I do like to have him around. He is one of my favorite people. I do think him amazing. I am so excited he is home. I wake up and he is one of the first things on my mind. I was hugging him as he assured me that what other people think is not important // or was it that I didn’t need to worry? Something bogus that I worry about incessantly… He pulled me in, and I hugged him like I never wanted him to walk away. I said it in my mind. I love you, God. And I love this person wrapped in my arms. I love him. I immediately dropped my arms, I had no idea how to react to that. And I felt so strongly that I wanted to yell it very loudly. So loud as to awake those sleeping within a five-mile radius, let it echo against resting buildings, and let it resonate so that I heard it so many times in such amazing decibels. So that I knew it was true. That is wasn’t me just being a silly teenager. I still don’t know. Because he is one of the best gifts God has given to me. And God continues to give me gifts through this young man. And through the people that I have met through him. And through them. It never ends. And that is what God’s love is… a resonating eternal gift. Jaiowefjaiowefjioajweifo. It’s so uplifting. And so… incredible. I feel like I’m floating right now. He knows what I need… what I want. And I hope he sees my heart. And I hope I can listen to him. But now, I am tired. The Lord Provides. Abraham sooooooooo knew that. He even named a place after that. Obedience and Trust. I want that. So bad. Yay.