I remember this man, and how he used to think I was beautiful. I remember how he used to encourage me and make me feel all warm and glow-y inside. And I remember how us kids used to go to their house and play with fireworks and sparklers, back before they made them illegal because they're hazardous.Yea, they're hazardous all right, because I remember, too, how I picked up the wrong end of the burnt-out sparklers and I burned my fingers. My mom put Vaseline on them to soothe them, and look at my hands now, without a trace of what happened. He used to marvel at my hands too, because I had long fingers from playing the piano. I remember how he used to make me Milo and toast with peanut butter, and everytime I went to their house, he'd offer to make me something to eat, or drink, and most times I'd just take whatever he offered because I'd feel bad to turn him down, because he cared so much. I remember his wisdom, which I think I miss the most. But I remember a time when I can't remember him being around, because he went back to live in the kampung for awhile, by himself, to tend to his many orchards. I remember asking him, I asked him "Are you going back there?" or "Why are you going there?" or some such thing, but I can't for the life of me remember his answer, though I wish I could. Because when they're gone, you try to remember every little thing, you know, because they're all you have left. And that's why I'm trying to grasp for every single thing he used to do, or say to me, or I to him and what we ever talked about. Before he went, right before, I knew he was going. He lay, seemingly asleep in the hospital bed, hardly waking up at all. So I knew, I just knew, that he was leaving. Except when he went home, and we were prepared to help take care of him, and I started to relax and be selfish again, then I forgot that he was leaving. And finally, I remember driving home from school, and I got to my favourite stretch of road, where coming round the bend at the right time of day, you can see the sky and clouds and the sun shinign in all its glory, and then my phone rang. I didn't answer because I knew it was my father or my sister calling to be a bother to me, but they kep calling and when I finally answred it was my father calling to tell me that my grandfather had passed away. Now it's Ramadhan, and I know he's around somewhere, and I try to feel him, but I can't. Everytime I close my eyes at night, I keep expecting to see him when I open them. I wonder if he's watching me, but I don't want him to see me cry, or when I'm at my worst, so sometimes I hide under the covers or I stop acting like an idiot and try to be good. 'What would you think of me now? So lucky, so strong, so proud' Aww, heck, here's the whole song: Jimmy Eat World - May Angels Lead You In There's no one in town I know You gave us some place to go. I never said thank you for that. I thought I might get one more chance. What would you think of me now, so lucky, so strong, so proud? I never said thank you for that, now I'll never have a chance. May angels lead you in. Hear you me my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go. May angels lead you in. So what would you think of me now, so lucky, so strong, so proud? I never said thank you for that, now I'll never have a chance. May angels lead you in. Hear you me my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go. May angels lead you in. May angels lead you in. May angels lead you in. And if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time. A song for a heart so big, God couldn't let it live. May angels lead you in. Hear you me my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go. May angels lead you in. May angels lead you in. Hear you me my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go. May angels lead you in. May angels lead you in.