i am really at a loss as to what to say about a particular matter, but it has been affecting things round me quite enough to make it difficult to think of much else lately. since having to sort my old things that were left at my parents' house, i've been getting one 'blast from the past' after another. i keep coming across things that now have some pretty interesting impacts, and i likewise wonder why they didn't at the time. i wonder where i'd be in life if they did. mostly, it's the letters. they surface one after another. it's as if they're unfamiliar to me now, despite having read them so often in the past. the odd thing is how they were just what i needed at the time, but at the time, i couldn't even comprehend what i was reading. perhaps they're what i need now, though many of the realisations they bring are painful. i don't understand how i could be so blind back then; however, i also fear that my sight hasn't improved all that much. i feel both completely different and completely unchanged all at once, and i have no idea what to do about it. i'm trying to learn from these things now, but i'm not sure what the message is supposed to be. i can't go back in time, but i can change the future. i'm just not really sure where to start.