so im fat. according to my mom. she tells me yesterday that ive gained weight and that as much as she doesnt want to, she wants to put me on a diet so im skinny for grad and can fit into my dress. thanx mom. asked the girls today...they said im not. i dont know who to believe...i mean i could stand to loose a pound here or there, but i didnt think i was big enough for my mom to come out and tell me she thinks im fat. that was kinda harsh for me...i think she knows thats one of my weaknesses too. that i dont think highly of myself (her fault half the time tho) Andy's seen...well seen a lot of me, and hes never said anything? he actually sees more of me then my mom does, body wise. hes never said anything bad. the girls have never said anything about me being overweight, usually they tell me to shut up if i bring that up. its just the whole thing with my mom. with her telling me it. shes never flat out told me im fat like she did a couple days ago, but shes always hinted at it. i mean i have big hips, thats a give in. had those for many years now. and i have inherited her thighs, so i can blame her for those. but why call me fat? not as if i dont fit in my clothes...i just dont get it. she says my eating habits have changed too. in the summer and up to like, november, i had terrible eating habits. i wont deny that. then in January I found that diet thing, thought it would be interesting to try, so me and mom did it for two weeks. after that i ate oober healthy for a good two months. Now i have the occasional snack, but im nothing like i used to be. Hmm, ok yesterday what did i have to eat? Yogurt for breakfest, then three hasbrowns at school (first bad thing). Came home, had a sandwich, granola bar, yogurt, a sip or two of koolaid, and water. oh and a fruit snacks thing. For supper? some potatoes and a cheese smokie. whats so wrong with those things? i dont think its eating unhealthy...i mean i never eat at mcdonalds anymore, only special occasions (like the famine tradition). before that, i hadnt eaten there since almost january i think. and its april. i dont eat a ton of chocolate anymore, or other junk foods like that. i mean sure, easter means chocolate, so i had some. but now theres nothing, and its not as if im craving it. i just dont get it. her comments have made me worse off now...i havent liked looking in mirrors all day and yesterday. when i was getting changed this morning i started to pick apart my reflection, and how this could be changed, this could be skinnier, this could be tighter. i felt so fat. how could she say that stuff...now im even more unhappy with myself then i was...i even get afraid that im just gonna keep on gaining weight and andy would leave me cuz id be fat and gross. i dont want that. maybe what she says is completely true tho. i mean think of all the nicknames related to weight ive been given. Ryan called me Tubbs... the whole improv team last year gave out so many fat jokes towards me... even Andy's first nickname for me was Fatty. maybe she is right...maybe they are all right. maybe dieting so i can actually be skinny is the way i should be going...