Thinking I hate you falling into lust temptation expectation "Do I really?" S L U T Truly, I'm yours I'll take all of you Wanting to feel you (Taste you) ever since I saw you All of you "What was that?" not naming names This rooms too hot open the window sprawled on a matress nude, without meaning you hold onto my "self" keep it safe I'm not going far "We were ashamed for you" Oh, my one true love Thats alright A little bit of everyone All into me "Dont bother with it, she's allergic" F u c k i n g SHAMEFUL Back into old routine reluctently "So come" Over me, over you? it's almost over, period. When all I know is this. No fucking way Not this time

it happened, it happened and theres nothing I can do to take it back. but do I actually want to take it back? no guilt, I havent been getting those rights souly for me... and I got a fraction of that last night, it was nice, so different.... (he sang to me.... well during his solo, he was singing TO ME.) god, and those eyes! and that mouth? gah. I'm going 3 kinds of crazy. if you had tasted the way I did, I'm sure you would be doing what I am right now... smiling perchance I should leae for work.... -Candise

I'm sorry I'm bad I'm sorry I'm blue I'm sorry about all the things i said to you and I know I cant take it back I love how you kiss I love all your sounds the way you make my world go round and I just wanted to say I'm sorry I'm sorry baby yea I'm sorry

devain says: What is your secret? -+I'll meet you in the middle+--- says: I have changed. I just more often than not turn into my old self (the one and only you were dating) when i play with jack. I didnt throw myself at you ( as i should have) and i didnt struggle for attention(like i used to). If i didnt have my ryan, or you know, any will, I'd jump back into bed with you in a instant. devain says: and how do you feel about that? --+I'll meet you in the middle+--- says: i feel weak devain says: i hear ya devain says: It sounds like such a good idea. lol But we both no its not. Is this the way you feel? --+I'll meet you in the middle+--- says: that is exactly how i feel . we've been through this. we know it's bad for us. even if it's great all on it's own devain says: yeah i'm with ya Why, Ms.Caine, are you trying to seduce me?

HA HA HA! All in agreement that my birthday party fucking rocked the beefy kazba raise your hand, wave it around, then dive topless into my pool. Damn. you should see the pictures! their amazing. Theres even a secret picture that's BOYS! KISSING! lol. dont ask me who,..... but if you do ask, i'll probably tell you! AHHHHH! HA HA HA HA! really. i had sooo much fun OH! I GOT MY PROMISE RING TODAY FROM RYAN!!!! pretty pretty puppy loves me.

today.. tra la la... is my ... tra la la... BIRTHDAY! 19 years old, not a super exciting number, kinda an inbetween number. Still MY BIRTHDAY! friday is THE PARTY! the party of ALL PARTIES! even if everybody doesnt show up, I'LL HAVE A WICKED GOOD TIME! come on, glow sticks man! drag! booze and etc! and yes, i'm so frigging excited. Class in a couple of minutes. So i should be going..... BUT! i'm just so excited. I've got a secret, and my secret cost $68.39 which isnt much seeing as what my secret is. but still. it's MY secret, and i'm so frigging happy about my secret. :) (my secret is from my puppy)

ME! mwa ha ha ha ha. My birthday is in 9 days, which makes my PARTY in 11 days. hells yes!!! I'm sooooooo frigging excite i can barely contain myself. I've been loading up on glow sticks to use in the pool, and i have to Call a few people to give info to, and get a few more invites handed out. (ie: crystal, randi, leighann+jamie, etc) I'm so frigging excited. Theres also a much of my theatre friends coming too. Which is the rockage to the wazoo.... man. really. i dont even care that it's my birthday, all that matters is that i'll have a house(and a pool) full of half naked people. Bar on my birthday, JT suggests Pharoh's, because of a live band, might trust him to go there, he knows what kinda tunes i like. What more to say.......Corresponding with dan, (dont tsk me!) and I'll be heading to onw of his shows soon as well. now he's singing lead. interesting Man, you should have seen her face -Me

starving, before class. First class, History of europe, renaissence to reformation. BLACK DEATH. year book signing yesterday. was interesting. voted loudest and most outspoken... most outrageous style. Still am two of those i think. And i am the female corey miller. but corey dabrowski is my twin neato "And the maidens nibblish St Victor in the pointed bits at the tip of his ears, and for 15 days St Victor withstood the maidens...But on the 16th day, St Victor cried out saying " This, is fantastic... OH, this is terrific".And god smite the maidens, and apon this St. Victor said that god was a rotten bastard, and god sent down an angel to comfort St Victor, and entered they... into the jacuzzi." yes, well thats all -Candise The oh so holy hipocrite

Well new news is -Ripped open my finger while partying with corey and leanne the other night. -stupid me -got some books for university - the last week of august is my moving out week -And maybe confronting dad week? -i hope so/not -______________________________________ Ryan and i dont fight quite so much. lol leanne and i got our lockers and some books and explored and such which was really neat (psst, i got her some more spongbob toys... he he he) -------------------------------------- bad kitty scarlette is in here right now, locked up because she bit jesse's head i love bad kitty I'm going to go play games now love you :D -candise PS: we went to the ZOO! ! ! ! !

Not like it happened yesterday or anything, to make it more exciting, but schools coming up. and i'm going (a little more) crazy. -cut the hair off AGAIN, it's even shorter, and spikey in the back -family shindig went well. it was good fun -saw Val (neil dubec) at work, learnt of them playing at summerfest. -Didnt go to watch -Didnt see dan -Didnt miss a thing :) -New favorite movie? Phantom of the opera -Time for a major life movement -Gimmi the ring -Spent for the time being, much love -Candise

Well here is an update -moving to my grandmothers for reasons obvious to those who know me well. -got my hair cut :D looking at least a little bit older -ryan and i are looking into future arrangements for an apartment. -went shopping yesterday with leigh-ann, much fun :D -I need to get in contact with the Canad Inns -I need some hardcore party business to occur. Safe grad was just too good not to repeat. Sure, the beach is fun and all, but how much ffun can you really have when you know nobody? we'll make it happen, anyways -much love Candise

grad was pretty. It could have been organized better, we didnt really enjoy being slip onto two different levels( the table i was at) But the DJ was good. it didnt seem quite as long as last years though..... man and was that a tight squeeze to get us all on that dance floor, but it made it cute and cozy. :D i dance with greg. lol, and taught him how to cha cha. he he he. !!! Ryan actually dance towards the end !!! and to that ave a horse ride a cowboy song too!!! that was good. Safe grad was amazing. I had way too much fun. And the thing is, i love not being able to dance, because then you dont need to worry about 'dncing good' so people are impressed and stupid stuff. I just dance to 'feel' the music. he he he. Towards the end, after corey and I were the most drunkest out of our group there, Leighann dance with me around her hips, and we held corey up, it was fun fun fun. Poor leanne didnt feel well. Then when the slow song came on, i dance with kenny, and greg, and brittany, and teresa, and..... leanne, and leighann, and corey, and..... uh..... i cannot remember who else. AH YES! and amber was there too. very fun. So now i'm living at the cottage, and my 'weekends' are monday and tuesday, because in grand beach, well actual weekends are workdays. of course. :D So we're all trying to work out when we're going to do certain things. Like all coming out to my cottage, going out to leannes, camping at Walmart (thank you FREE PRESS for the idea). And then such are things like that. And then Devin and Alex, etc want to all go camping, cant remember where, so hopefully i'll be able to get work off for that as well. I totally skunked em at Rummy last camping trip. They play it every day?! HUMPH! oh yes it was memorable. Next on the line is.... um.... well i dont know i work from 1 - 9 today. And ryan's coming out to the cabin on friday night, So I get to see him!!! Well i saw him yesterday, and the day before that, but the part i'm excited about is going to the beach with him 'wink wink nudge nudge'. yes. I'm stull getting used to the new workplace. I work til close almost everynight. And there are two other girls my age: tera(19) and Whitney(18), their both very nice, but completly diffrreent from eachother. Tera is like..... cherie bell without the sickyness. And Whitney is exactly like kristin varey without the hating me. I get along with Whitney better so far. We had a whole black out together to organize stuff, and lable thigs, and count liquer. But it gave us time to get to know eachother. Anyway, gramma will be here soon. -Much love -candise

well tommorow is the day. My nails are done(makes it hard to type),hair appointment tommorow at 230pm, i actualy GRADUATE tommorow morning. Corey's picking me up with leanne and leigh ann, probably jamie too :D the in the night time is the dinner and dance (ryan, I, corey, leanne, leighann, and jamie are sitting together), putting it on jamie and corey's shoulders to make ryan a conversaional piece, he can take care of himself, but he doesnt know them, so they might need to just strike up a conversation, plus, ryan dpesnt dance, and jamie and corey do... hm.... oh welly, ryans loss. right now i have to go pack for grand beach (WHOLE SUMMER BABY), and pack my clothing for safe grad. man this is crazy. MUCH LOVE -Candise

i've got my scedual and photo ID for U of W. WHOO WHOOO! I'l post my class list aqnd schedual after i get back from class.... Yes. this exciting. I saw nikki there as well. :D None of the same classes though. Oh yes. and i got into almost all the courses i wanted to. Luckily i got into performance! - i'll add it in later -candise

i'm not sick but i'm not well, and i'm so pumped, cuz i'm in hell. been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding. soon i will no longer have to look at teenage tits falling out of t-shirts. ick

yesterday we spent 50 something on scratch cards... EEK! lol. it was fun though. and when leigh ann was practising for her english, leanne and i scratched them all off (only won 8 bucks) and then we took leigh ann's car and went for a joy ride. it was super funny. Because i'm a jittery driver, we had to switch on plessies... leanne drove most of the way, AND she drove me home... i had to call her soon to amke sure she was okay. I'm a good friend. YE! i like to toot my own horn. oh the goodness. Aw my ryan. !!!!! he wants to live with me!!! Thats amazing... god i love him. Really. he makes me happier than i've ever been before.

yes. my weird-o-metre has sky rocketed. i'm not saying why though. weird ness comes in three's.... not sure if chelsea hewitts counts as one of my 3.... man. this lemon marang pie is awesome. well, with my next pay check i'll have to buy tix for grad, a flower thingy for ryan... and something for dad for fathers day. i hate having money i should.... eat more pie. Ryan should be calling soon. i lube that guy... soooo muuuuuchhhh LUBE!

I've noticed that I've taken the little things for granted. and i apoligize. Like when ryan drives over just to give me a kiss than drives home. Another thing? When i got out of the car and started walking to the Grade 12 class 9waiting for buses) Cory waved for me, then leanne called my name, and leighann, cory and leanne all looked and smiled and waved me over. Sadly? First time thats ever happened to me Mainly... thanks to cory for lifting his arm and waving to me. That was like a canon to the stumach. A good canon... made of marshmellows

This doesn’t make sense. I feel sick, excited… disgusting. I don’t know if I want to leave… stay, go back home… get lost. I don’t know… I want to lose myself. I’m being torn in two, head and heart, reservations and curiosity, but this man who talks to vulvas. But how do I explain this to him? He makes things sound simple. Things aren’t simple. Things are complicated. Feeling good is good, Alice. Do you know what I’m saying?