Usually, about the time that my lovely Lindsay (whom I love and adore and cherish and worship to no end) slides offline to go to bed, I tend to go to bed, too ... but not tonight. Can't sleep. It happens. I supposed I could fill myself with Ambien and knock myself out for 10 to 15 hours - but I can't really guarantee myself a full night's sleep - and that's on the directions, you know, that you can only take it if you can devote a full night's sleep and all that rubbish. So no, I'm not going to take it tonight. It works, though, for you insomniacs out there - Ambien really DOES work. Well, for me anyway. More ramblings ... the real reason why I started this entry, I guess - 2 AM ramblings ... sort of. Around 11:00 tonight, I received a phone call - for those of you who don't know me, I'll fill you in. I don't like phones. I have issues with phones. I hate them. It's a lot easier, though, with being a DJ - because the caller doesn't know who you REALLY are, and you don't know who they are -so it's basically anonymous. I go out of my way NOT to answer the phone at home, however - because I'm painstakingly phone shy - YES, believe it or not, I am. It's a curse, I know - and in the words of Metallica: "Just like the curse, just like the stray; you feed it once and now it stays." But, to make a long story short - and taking out some of the major details as to the reasons behind my phone issues - I just really HATE that fucking phone ... thing. Anyway, on to the reason why I went on the phone rant. Aaron (old schoolmate) calls me, fully aware of my hate for phones I might add, and interviews me for research on this performance arts piece he has to write for some final something-or-other, and it's on persecution and stuff, and I'm thinking ... okay, this will be for a good cause. So we're talking - well, actually, he's doing most of the talking because I hate the fucking phone more than I hate a test that is half true/false questions ... and believe me, that's a lot of hate there - and he's got the speaker phone on and is recording our conversation so he can get my expressions and all that. And then he brings up the Wiccan ceremony that was held on the KWC campus a few years ago - my freshman year here - and I'm like "Whoa, whoa, whoa - don't make me talk about that again, I don't want to talk about that again!" Of course, it was for Ostara, and held for some class called "Caught in the Act" which was supposed to spark awareness and stir feelings in the public - and, well, it worked. The entire fucking CAMPUS was divided. And there's little me, standing at the north candle with my wand, trying to block out "Stairway to Heaven" which some "fucking notice me because I'm a Christian and protesting, aren't I cool?" idiot is blaring from his dorm window ... and - You know what? You'd think they'd choose a better song to "protest" with than "Stairway." You know, like "Spirit in the Sky" or something ... and not a song that has references to Lord of the Rings and all. Some people are so blinded by their own self-righteousness that they're just, you know, stupid. So this girl who came to watch the ceremony runs over to the guy's window and asks him to turn off the music for about half an hour because people are actually out there trying to watch and learn, and that protesting was all well and good, but not when it disrupts and interferes with the actual demonstration. She was a Criminal Justice major ... could you tell? So the guy turns off the music and all I could think of was "No Stairway. DENIED!" I had my little Wayne's World moment, smirked a bit, and went back to my business. And so, talking to Aaron about Satan and everything - and then I go off on my tangent about how people keep confusing Satan and Lucifer, and on how they're two different entities and all and - well, it's a long explanation, maybe I'll write it out in another rant later on down the road, but for now, I'll just leave it at that. And I was given the comment from him that went a little something like this: "How is it that a Wiccan like you knows so much about Christianity? You know more about it than any Christian I know." WHAT? WHAT?! Jesus fucking Christ on a goat-shaped anal swizzle stick! And I ask you, what is wrong with this picture? I can only rest assured in the knowledge that I know absofuckinglutely NOTHING. I'm not going off on any sort of tirade about Christians, nor am I bashing them - and mainly because some of the best people in my life ARE Christians - and one of the most significant people in my life, a dear very good friend, who has made a deep impact on who I am and made me a better person, is a Christian. Sadly, she's in Ohio now, and I'm stuck here - but she's made an interesting point in the past, and I make it now for all of you readers to view. Why is it that everyone can speak their minds, except the Christians? It's all well and good, you know, freedom of speech and religion fall under the same amendment, right? But why is it that a gay couple and say whatever they want to say, but when a Christian comes up to speak, everyone's like "shut up, we don't want to hear you; your opinion doesn't count." It's ridiculous, and it's hypocritical. Christians here are Americans, too, and they deserve to have their voices heard, just like everyone else. Deal with it. I don't mind hearing the opinions of Christians, I really don't - I just don't want them preaching into my ear, or telling people that they're going to Hell, or that "God Hates Fags" and whatnot - that really, really, REALLY pisses me off. And everyone who knows me will tell you that it usually takes a lot to make me angry - but really, really, REALLY pissed off ... now that's bad. What gives people the right to judge others in such a way, you know? What Christian can honestly say "God told me himself to tell you that you are going to BURN IN HELL!!!" What ever happened to "judge not lest you be judged" ... or something-or-other? And whatever happened to "hate the sin, not the sinner?" People are so stupid. Yes, they are. People suck. They suck balls. I hate people. I could get into some deep, philosophical shit right now - about God, about my relationship with said God and other gods and goddesses. And what is this "thou shalt have no other gods before me" shit? It's like, Mr. All-mighty is actually ACKNOWLEDGING that other gods exist ... he just wants to be number one in your life. Makes sense, right? Am I still rambling? Yes. I still have bases to touch ... and this is going to be a LONG-ASS entry by the time I'm done. I chat online; I role play; it's something I do to pass the time when I'm not writing. I go to a wonderful chatroom that holds people who think the same as I do ... and people who are just stupid. Someone online brought up in conversation, with me, about how there was no way that God could exist - and she had all of this evidence to support it. And I was like "where's the prosecution?" So I became prosecution. Got to love it. There's so much evidence that could also prove it. But, you see, God's existence can neither be proven or disproved. And, as Pascal would say, it would be better to believe in God than nothing at all. It's like a gamble, you see, if there's no God after you die and you believe in him, then whatever. If there's no God after you die and you didn't believe in him, then whatever. If there is a God after you die and you didn't believe in him, you're fucked. If there is a God after you die and you believed in him, then good for you. Makes sense, right? Best to believe in something than nothing at all. But, to all of you atheists out there, I have to hand it to you, I admire you - you are so firm and strong in your belief that there is absolutely nothing. That takes guts. And, believe it or not, that, in itself, is a religion. You're placing a lot of faith in your decision that there's nothing. So, this girl goes on about how there couldn't be a God because there was evil in the world and God hates evil - and I'm like - HOLD UP! Scholars have argued that God created evil to see who would come to him, and who would fall. Some Theological evidence before Medieval times suggests that Angels didn't have a will of their own, and therefore, God put into them the messages and His will - and, if that be so, then Lucifer's love for God and desire to be God had to be put into Lucifer by He, Himself ... God. God is a sick, twisted fuck, and that's why we love him, goddamnit. I personally think that God made Lucifer fall just to see who would love Him, and who would love the Morning Star. Myself? Personally, I pity Lucifer. I sympathize with him. I really like the guy. It's not his fault. Tragic villain, you know? Like ... Sephiroth, from Final Fantasy VII ... and all. She was pretty stumped by then. Guess I stated my case. But then, there's always the riddle of Epicurus: Is God willing to prevent evil, but unable? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? Really makes you think, doesn't it? It's known to cause headaches in some of my peers. Personally, I'm more of a yin-yang kind of guy. There will always be good in this world, there will always be evil ... no matter what you do to get rid of it. The balance must be kept. Ever notice how the day that that "peace" was brought to Northern Ireland, the fighting in the Middle East between Israel and Palestine worsened? That's karma at play, there. Yin-yang doing the work it's supposed to do. World peace is an unattainable dream. Sorry to crush your hopes, children. Just take your life and make the best of it ... Playing with the image thing. Sleep now. Dream entry when I get up - if I get up.