Today is going fairly well so far. Woke up at 11:59 ... so I'm off to a good start, I think! It was a good night, sleep-wise, that is - I woke up a lot, but I slept well, I think. *smile* So I got up, and after eating a quick lunch, I immediately took to playing the piano in the living room - nice little maple upright, I might say - that I haven't really touched since before school let out. Made in Germany, it was - then shipped carefully to Cedar Rapids where it was stored for six months before I bought it, and then it was shipped to Evansville, and then, eventually, to me. I love my piano. It's a Sangler & Suhne (Sangler & Sons) and there were only five of their kind in America at the time that my parents bought it for me. And, ah, if ever there was a composer to be played on a piano like that, it would be Chopin. And I must say, that my piano sounds better and better with age. That's how I feel about many of the older pianos I play - they always sound better when they're old. Even the ones I've played that are older than I am (the ones that have been well-taken care of). I've played a cherry wood 9-foot concert hall grand before, 47 years old. Most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I don't remember exactly when I got my piano - I think I was somewhere between 10 and 12. In any case, the piano is around 10 years old. Hard to believe, huh? Seems like just last year I was going to Shultz Music with my parents and brother to find a piano that fit me, sitting at all of these different upright pianos (we didn't have the room in our house, or the money, for a grand), playing scales and Hungarian Dance No. 5 by Brahms on every one I felt comfortable sitting at. $1400 for my piano - and a mighty good price, too, I might add. And, just an hour ago, I was sitting at my beautiful, wonderful piano, feeling guilty that I hadn't played it in almost two months. And I was sitting there, just playing wonderful Chopin - Minute Waltz, more specifically, even though it's actually over 2 minutes and ... bah, who cares, it's still a beautiful piece. And I'm about halfway through it when I hear a knock at the door. So, of course, me being home alone - and in a pair of grey sweats and white tank (I don't exactly look the part of accepting company, you know), I answer the door. And it's Sean - the 8-year-old kid from the apartment above me - and his dad. So, as I'm saying "hi," Sean says "hey, Mr. Glover." (Shock. Even the kids I observe at school call me Seth.) And I say "Hey, what's up?" And he says "We thought of a name for the hawk." I invite them in, but the dad says that he can't stay, that they were just heading out when they heard me playing the piano and knew I was home. Said that they thought they'd just come by and tell me that Sean came up with a name. Nathaniel. I just smiled. Surprised, I was - but I said that Nathaniel was a good name. That it meant "Gift of God" - and that he decided on a beautiful and very appropriate name. I told them to stop by whenever, because I'm almost always home this summer - and told the dad that if he ever needed someone to watch Sean, then I'd more than happy to do it. Coincidental, I think. With the name. Nathaniel. Ah, well ... anyway. I had a couple of dreams. First Dream: I feel ... exhausted and queasy. I've just come out of a bath, and I'm wearing pajamas and a black houserobe. I'm drying my hair with a light-colored towel and I'm walking through the living room of my cabin ... and then I just fall ... to the floor. I just drop. But before I hit the floor, I'm somewhere else. I'm in that room, with -him- again ... and -he- is sitting at the grand piano. And I'm just ... there. Though I know I'm not really there. He's not playing the piano, though; he's just sitting there staring at the keys. I walk up behind him, very quietly. I'm upset about something. I don't even know if he can see or hear me, but I start saying, very sternly, "I told you to leave him out of this. You said that if I played for you, you would leave us alone, and leave him out of it. And now he's loose." And he jerks around to look at me - he can see and hear me! - and I just glare at him and say, "You broke your promise." I can't read him, his emotions, but he stands up and walks to me, stands over me, he says "It's out of my hands, Larc." And I scream at him - it's a full-body scream, fisted hands shoved behind me, body tense and wound up like I'm about to strike out in rage, I just scream "BULLSHIT! IT WASN'T OUT OF YOUR HANDS BEFORE, WHY THE HELL WOULD IT BE NOW?" He starts to say something, and reach out to touch me, and I just yell "IT'S -YOUR- MESS! -YOU- CLEAN IT UP! YOU PROMISED ME!" And I hear voices - distant, coming from behind me, but I keep my eyes locked on him. And he actually looks ... apologetic. And he says, concerned, "You're going to kill yourself if you keep this up." And I'm just ... shaking with this intense feeling of anger inside of me, I'm panting - and the voices behind me are getting louder - but they're not getting closer ... and I can hear one of them repeating my name over and over ... but -he- doesn't seem to notice them at all. But suddenly, I'm aware that I've solidified - and -he- reaches out and grabs the sides of my head and just ... kisses me. Just like that. And suddenly, I feel pain, in my stomach - and breathless, like I've just had the wind knocked out of me. Suddenly, my eyes bolt open, and I'm on the floor of my cabin's living room, and Evan's yelling something at Winnie, who then runs away toward the kitchen, and he's holding my head, and I'm coughing repeatedly. He'd punched my stomach again, to wake me up, because, apparently, just shouting my name wasn't working. I feel nauseated and dizzy - like I've just woken up from fainting. I have this fine film of sweat on me - or it could be dampness from the bath, I don't know, but I know I'm still deathly pale and have dark circles under my eyes. And Evan's saying something to me, I don't remember what it is. But Winnie comes back and hands Evan a glass of apple juice ... with a straw - which he, in turn lowers down to me and makes me drink through the straw. And I suddenly say, "She wants her room unlocked." And that's all I remember of that dream. Second Dream: I knew I shouldn't have been out there, but I'm leaning against the wooden rail of my back porch, and I'm still in pajamas and bathrobe, and I'm just watching the birds. I want to be out there, though I know I shouldn't be. And I keep glancing up at one of the windows on the second floor - there's something in that room - I want to go in there, but I'm afraid to. Every time I look to that window, I feel this sinking feeling in my chest, sadness. I hear stomping coming from inside the cabin, fast stomping, like someone's running, and it's getting closer, then the door slams open and I hear Evan yell "WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?" And I suddenly feel like crying. I can feel my face tightening, the lump in my through, the stinging in my eyes. And immediately, I turn, to run away - I want to stay outside, and I know he's going to just make me go back to my room. And I turn to run, I don't take two steps before I fall down - and I realize I can hardly walk, much less run. Makes me wonder how I made it out there to begin with ... And I lie there, on the back porch ... deck ... thing, and I feel Evan wrap his arms around me and pick me up. And I just start begging him to let me stay out, and he says no, repeatedly. And I just cry ... just cry, and say "please? please" over and over, I can still feel the hoarseness in my throat - I can still hear the cry. And I just keep saying "please" and he keeps saying things like "no" and "later, when you're better" and then suddenly a tree about twenty feet away just ... falls. Just falls - and lands with a bounce. And Evan looks at me like he's ... scared and worried - and his eyes are wide. I did that, I know I did that, with the tree - I know it was me, and I know he knows it was me. And he rushes me into the cabin, saying things really worriedly like, "don't cry, please don't cry. You don't need to be upsetting yourself. Don't cry." And when he carries me up the stairs, a tear finally slips from my eye and I yell for him to let me go - and the pictures suddenly fly off the walls and tumble down the stairs. Then he sets me on my bed, and keeps telling me not to be upset, then he starts calling for Risa, saying "here kitty, kitty" to the door and making me lie down on the bed. And I just feel, so so so dizzy - and I can't move. I just ... can't move. And before I know it, Evan's looming over me, and placing my kitten on my stomach. And, automatically, she just starts kneading at my chest, purring ... and, instantly, I just ... start to calm down. And Evan cradles my head in his hands and kisses me, sits next to me, tells me that I'm going to be all right. I start to pet the kitten, and he says something like "Look, Seth ... Larc ... Kolibri ... whatever you want me to call you." And I whisper, "Seth's fine" and just look at him, completely confused. And then he says something, I don't remember what. But then I say "What's going on? What's happening?" And he leans down to me and strokes my hair and just ... says ... "Rest now. Please?" And kisses my forehead, and I wake up. Yeah ... just ... end.