Mood: Blah Music: "Messaiah" - Yura Yayaoi, Angel Sanctuary OVA Soundtrack This will be a dream entry, but ... First and foremost, I would just like to say that I positively LOVE InxDen1al's hair! I do, I really, really do! Spiked or no. But if you really, really want to spike it, there's this expensive but GOOD stuff called Pomade. And it really helps to continuously blow it dry throughout the styling, because just putting gel and whatnot in it isn't going to work - has to get hard before it can stick up on it's own. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, that didn't sound right. But you know, Sooji, you're a very attractive young lady. I just thought you might like to know that.
Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel. ***Well, yeah, I guess I kind of was one back then, but a somewhat popular geek. I mean, I was smart, yeah, and I worked my ass off in school, made the top 15 percentile. I mean, I was 18th in my class back in high school. But also, back then, I had a lot of outcast, "goth," "punk," and "grunge" friends. If this quiz be correct, I could also be put into the band nerd category, the honors category, the popular category, and the "I don't give a fuck about stereotypes because I'm just me" category. You know, sometimes I wish that every high school could be like Highland High, from the New Guy. Psh, right. Like that's ever going to happen.*** So, anyway, on to the dream ... Different style of dream - I think. I'm not sure. This one's a little out of the ordinary for me. The only one I recognized was my brother, David. Everyone else wasa stranger to me. But I was back in that boarding school from a previous dream - and it's daylight, but cloudy. Daytime is a good thing. Most of my dreams take place in the day. At least then I know that nothing's out of the ordinary. And I'm back to myself again - well, my dream self. The me, but not ME me, but I'm my right age. 21. Like I'm supposed to be. I'm wearing this sort of uniform - dark colors, black and grey I think - definitely black, though. And I'm back in that school. And I'm just sort of there, watching people. That's what I do, actually, I'm a bit of an observer. I'm just watching people. And there's a lot of them just peddling around in this little mini rummage sale that the students, I guess, are putting on to raise money. I don't remember much of what was being sold, but I do remember a silver Playstation and a small fridge that was really a toilet. Hrmmmm ... Sometimes, I think Lewis Carroll would have been happy with what I dream - I'm sure he could have incorporated the books that hold coffee in their pages thing ... anyway ... more dream. My brother's there, and he's just sort of walking around with me for a while, and then he's gone, and I'm stuck with a bunch of people I don't know - and it doesn't bother me. I'm used to him going off and doing his own thing in real life, it didn't seem like I should feel any different in my dreams. So I'm wandering around the halls, just looking into various classrooms and hallways, when this girl just comes up to me and starts talking. She's all smiles, and I guess I know her in my dreams, because I can't even remember her face or name now. I just remember brown hair, a khaki jacket, and a lot of smiling. And she takes me to this VERY windowed lobby - I mean, this is a VERY tall room, looking ... I think South, with very extravagant windows from floor to CEILING - I mean, this room has to be at least two stories tall. There's this 30's looking carpet, burgundy-ish, couches and armchairs, much gold trim on everything, that beautiful chandelier from an earlier dream. I'm not sure if it's the same one, but it looks exactly the same. Outside the window, of course, is the outdoors. Green. A garden of sorts, I think. The sky is cloudy, but the sun breaks through a few clouds - it's a beautiful sight. That's the type of weather I love. And I hear thunder, which meant that a storm was on the way ... and I was happy. Storms make me happy ... in daylight. Let's call her "Ms. Smiley" since I can't remember her name, all right? Well, everyone is chatting rather happily in the room, and Ms. Smiley is fluttering around them, chatting, too. And I'm just at one of these huge windows, staring out of it ... I don't know how long it was, but it was beautiful. Beautiful. But then I glanced to another window, and touched it - and suddenly this funnel cloud forms and touches ground - just like that! A matter of maybe 2 seconds, if even that. And I catch my breath, I can't breathe - because it's just so close, but it's still just far enough. And I hear the commotion of the people behind me, and they start to scurry and scatter, but join up by the window. They're scared, and they're wondering if it's coming here. And Ms. Smiley, just waves her hand and says "Don't worry! Larc can take care of it." And she's talking about me. And then all the people stare at me. I don't really like being stared at, but I devote my staring toward the funnel cloud coming towards us. And I just think about how much I want it to go away - and the closer it gets, the more frightened I get because it's not working. And then, when it's about three yards away, the tornado suddenly dissapates ... and I breathe, and everyone else relaxes - But then another one forms right behind it, touching ground and I just yell "Everyone get out of here! MOVE!" And they scatter, running into the hall where I knew they would be safe, away from windows - and I shove myself outside and I just glare at this tornado, and it's not working, my power to control the tornado isn't working. And I just start screaming at it to leave me alone - and it's almost like, this tornado was a person. And then it just charged at me, and I'm just yelling at it as it lifts me up into the air, then shoves me onto the ground, onto my stomach, and I yell at it "What are you doing? There are people in here!" And it pulls up, and disolves - just like that. And I breathe again. Ms. Smiley runs out to me and pulls me to my feet, tries to get me inside. I'm taken to the hall where everyone had gathered for safety, and I can barely stand on my own. There's more people now, all lined against the walls. And there's a little boy there - I notice this little boy, out of all of the other people, and I don't know why. But he's maybe 10 at the most. And just as Ms. Smiley is telling everyone that it's safe to come out - I hear a sound ... And there's Matthew - but he looks different, his hair I think - I can't quiet put my finger on it - maybe a little ... redder, his skin was maybe a little more red - but he's at the door, outside, I can see him through the glass, and using some sort of instrument to cut through the chains holding the door closed - and I know he's going to get in, so I yell for everyone to hide. Everyone. I know they're in danger. And everyone scatters again, disappearing up stairs, into various rooms, closets - and Ms. Smiley and I go around, making sure everyone is hidden - and we go to a far end of the school and there's the little boy, looking at me from the middle of the hallway. He looks exhausted, but he latches onto me, like he's scared, and I tell him that he has to hide as I kneel down to his level. He tells me he's scared, he's tired, and he's hungry. And Ms. Smiley says "okay, but we have to hurry." And I lead him down the hall and lock all three of us in a dormitory room. I tell Ms. Smiley to give him some food, and then I'm out again - and somehow, I seal them in there, so they will be safe. And I press my forehead against the door for a moment, take a breath, and start off down the hall again. I wake up. I'm not a strong person in my dreams. I've realized that. By strong, I mean by will. It seems I can't do anything without having someone tell me to do it. I can't make a decision unless it is an obvious thing. But lately, I have been - my will has been stronger. The tornado thing ... I should explain that. Some of you will find this strange, some may be frightened, some will probably laugh. I can't tell you what to do; how you take this information is of your own perception. I hadn't planned on talking about this just yet. I hadn't. I didn't think I was ready to talk about it. But, because of this dream, I feel that I have to. Lately, I've found that I have this ability to, well ... stop severe storms from happening. The tornado sirens will go off, and I'll stare at the radar, and think, repeatedly, that I just want it to go away. That I want it to go away and leave me alone ... ... and it will. It just, goes away. I kid you not. This has happened five times now. Those in this area, ever wonder how tornado warnings just sort of stop once the supposed tornado gets close to Owensboro? How severe weather at night suddenly becomes not so severe after a few minutes? How the sheer rader turns green in almost no time? Five times is no coincidence. At least, I don't think so. I'm not someone who lives by things in life just being a coincidence; I believe that things happen for a reason. Lately, though, I've been trying to take a break from "making storms go away" - because, what if Nature's starting to get pissed off at me for stopping all of this, and She makes the next one even stronger, and the one after that, and the one after that, until we have a full-on F5 tornado that I can't stop and lots of people die? Whereas I may think I'm doing a good thing, sometimes storms just have to happen. So, I'm taking a break from it all. No, I don't know if I can make storms happen yet. But I do remember, back in high school, in band camp and practices, I could make wind come when people really needed it. I mean, I was usually all right, I played piccolo and all (and yes, there ARE male flute players out there), but when some of the marchers would be at ease between sets, I'd hear the occasional "I'm going to DIE from this heat, wish I had some wind" and I'd face the west and just close my eyes ... and there would be wind. Only a handful of people caught on to my little trick, because, well, one of them watched me one day as I did it, and immediately got it, asked me to do it again, and I did. Now, see, this doesn't make sense. I'm Earth, I am EARTH - and there I was making wind? And now, I'm stopping severe weather? What's wrong with this? But, I suppose, if you put all variables into it. Wind is caused by the earth isn't it? I mean, it comes from the rotation of it, the oceans, the atmosphere ... earth's gravitational pull between it and the moon to cause waves that cause wind and ... Ow. I guess that everything can be an aspect of earth. Never really thought about it this deeply before. But then, why are my spirit animals birds? Birds are Air animals; Earth animals are things like cows, horses - but I'm scared of horses, actually ... well, to ride them anyway. Deep in my heart, I want to be friends with them, I do. I'll pet them and groom them, talk to them, smile for them - but ride them? Hell no. There's only one horse I trust enough to ride, and his name is M&M - unfortuneately, he's in Texas. Far, far away from here. I miss him, though. He was a good horse. Pretty horse. That was the only time I was really happy to be on a ranch. I used to hate ranches, but that one made me happy. It was pretty. And stormy and ... oh yeah, there was a tornado the night that I was there, but it missed us. Gooooooooooo figure. Let me talk about M&M? I was in Texas on a trip with the band - it was, you know, one of those every-other-year things. So we go on that year to San Antonio, play a parade in Six Flags, then go off to play. I think I rode the Superman ride about seven times. Went to SeaWorld, got splashed by Shamu - don't know which Shamu it was, but it was one of them. Rode this ride called "the screaming eel" or something like that, that my friend Ashley was scared to death to go on - because she's scared of rollercoasters, but I talked her into riding with me - because, hey, it was my senior year and it was almost over, and BY THE GODS Ashley was going to get over at least one of her fears before I graduated. So we get to the top of the hill, and I swear, she was so pale, I thought she was going to faint, or puke or something - so I hold her hand before we go over and tell her to hold on. And there we go! I was deaf in my right ear for half a day, I think - but I do remember getting to the end of the ride, losing circulation in my hand, hearing her panting and then have her jump up and scream "AGAIN!" But anyway, after that, we went to the Flying L ranch. I was not looking forward to this. I'm not a fan of horses. We get there, we have a bar-be-que, which isn't too bad, you know. But after that, we had to do this relay race thing ... with ... horses. We had to ride horses. And I was on the burgundy team. There was no fucking way that I could get out of it either. And I thought, well, if I got Ashley to overcome one of her fears, maybe, just maybe, I could overcome one of mine. So I get on this horse, and it's one of those "hold the egg in the spoon, go to the end, turn around, come back without dropping it or you're out" kind of races. And this guy helps me onto the horse, and - well - I've rode horses before, but they usually run me in to things. When my mother was young, she lived on a farm, and up until she graduated from high school, she used to ride horses all the time, loved them even. But me? I didn't inherit any of her horse-loving-riding skills, so there was little ole me on this huge four-legged creature that could probably beat me up in one kick. But the guy says to me that he can tell that I'm not a horse rider and I'm like "how do I steer?" And he just laughs at me, introduces me to the horse: "M&M, I'd like you to meet Seth. He's had bad experiences with horses, so be good to him, okay?" And the guy tells me that M&M likes to me talked to, then puts the spoon in my hand, the egg in my spoon, and goes off to make sure all of the other riders are set before he blows the whistle. And, by God, I was the only one who didn't cheat. Everyone else had their thumbs on their eggs to keep them from falling off - and, to be honest, I wasn't worried about my egg - it was when M&M starting speeding up that I was worried about. So, I just started talking to him, I don't remember what about. The weather, maybe, because there was much lightning by then - because right after everyone had gone for that race, they had everyone go back to their rooms because, well, severe thunderstorm and all. But anyway. I think I was talking to M&M about what a good horse he was, and if we could please slow down a little bit, and I get to the end of the track, and I have to turn this big animal around, and I just give a little tug on the reins to the left, and he starts to turn around. And I'm like "Good M&M. Nice horse." And he just takes me back, without a problem. I didn't win, no I didn't. Because people cheated, but you know, I didn't really care. But the guy had to pry me off of the horse, and I took to just hugging the big mammal and saying "I loooooooove you, M&M. Thank you for not throwing me off or killing me or anything." And the guy is just like "You know, I don't know what you were so worried about. You're a natural." And I'm thinking: ugh. No I'm not. The next day, we had to do the riding thing. Like, actually ride horses on the pasture, trails, and whatnot. And I'm like "NO! NOT AGAIN!" But I had to. Band Director said so. Even though it had been raining off and on all morning. So I'm dragged to the stables by Ashley and her mother (who was chaperoning) after pleading for five minutes with the director to "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO" - but, of course, he thought it was nonsense after seeing me ride the night before. And I gave him that "I hate you" look. So I'm at the stables, and there's that guy there from the night before, and he gives everyone else their horses, and there's me left with Ashley's mother, hiding behind her, and the guy calls me over, and Ashley's mom drags me over there - and he puts me on M&M. I'm like "WOOHOO! A horse I like!" And this time I got to use two hands to control this horse, which made me happy, because then I could actually hold on to the horn, you know, and not fear falling off. There was this girl, Erika, who rides horses all the time, and she told me that when their ears went back, that meant they weren't happy - so all through the trail, I'm staring at M&M's ears, and every time they bent backwards, I started talking to him, singing a little song, whatever - anything to make them go forward again. It was extremely difficult to keep him from eating the grass along the way, I think that's what aggrivated him the most. It started raining about 3/4 of the way through the trail, and I pulled the hood up on my raincoat and M&M's ears when back, and just said "What? You want one?" And he did that horse snort thing they do and the ears went forward again. I think he was laughing at me. When it was over, I wanted to ride him again. But just M&M. I liked M&M. I'll probably never ride another horse for the rest of my life UNLESS it's M&M. If I had the money, and a ranch of my own, I'd buy him if they'd let me. The ONLY horse I ever actually got along with. Heh. Heh heh. Okay ... I think this entry is long enough now ... don't you? More later. Much love to Lindsay and Melissa.