I think it's time for me to take a vacation. I'm taking a short, much-needed break between finals right now. Probably the only one I'll get until about midnight tonight. Dear God, I'm so tired. I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there for a week. I'm so hungry. But getting food requires moving from this stool and going to the snack bar, spending money on food that is too greasy for my stomach to handle right now. I can't close my eyes. They're so tired, that every time I close them, or glance down, I'm over come with dizziness or my head feels magnetized to the floor. I'm finding it difficult to stay awake. I wonder if I'll even make it to my last college radio show of the semester. I wonder. I might have to just have Melissa cover for me, and I'll just sleep. I'll miss the listeners and all, but I seriously don't know if I'm going to make it through the rest of the day. This semester has been too weird. It's difficult to explain. It hasn't been like other semesters. Everything's been different. Maybe it's the weather - the fact that it keeps switching from the 30's to mid-70's every week, but it's like things have just been ... off. Off-balance. Students have just stopped caring about things. Things have just ... felt different this semester and I can't explain why. I miss my friends. I never get to see them or talk to them anymore - I'm always locked away in my room or in a computer lab somewhere, studying, pulling another all-nighter. I haven't slept in 64 hours. All non-stop studying and testing. I'm bordering mental breakdown. Can you blame me? I blame myself for apparently not being smart enough to pace myself from the beginning. I'm dumb, yes. I admit it. Math went by okay yesterday. Melissa said that for her it was more time-consuming than anything. Yeah, it was - except, I think that for one question, instead of deomonstrating how to multiply a negative by a negative, I ended up dividing. Oh, it was only worth 20 points ... no big deal. Yeah ... out of 200. I think our teacher did the math wrong, though, now that I think about it. She said that the exam was worth 200 points. But there were 20 questions on it. I thought that if you had 20 questions for 20 points each, that would be 400 points ... Ow ... brain doesn't want to deal with the math. I think I studied for a total of 30 minutes for that test. I feel like I did well enough to bring my grade up to a B. I'm starving. I don't think I've eaten since dinner last night and ... wait ... what WAS for dinner last night? Shit ... don't tell me I skipped that one, too ... Wait, no ... I remember now. Chicken fingers. I think I just nibbled on one of those and a few potato wedges. Something's seriously wrong with me. How can I be hardly eating anything at all, losing sleep, and totally be stressing out ... and yet not be losing weight in the process? If anything, I'm gaining. Not that I'm saying this is a bad thing. I mean, I'm a stick, and I'm quite aware of that fact, but still ... by all logic, my recent habits should have me losing weight, right? I miss my lovely. I got a letter and a card from her the other day. I still haven't opened them. I know I need to. I need to read these, but ... I'm just not in the right mindset. I NEED to read these - because every time I get something from her, I smile, when I read it, I smile. But I need to be able to relax and sit down to read it ... but that just hasn't been happening lately. I can't relax. After tonight, I can ... but not right now. I think ... I don't know what I think. I'm so very tempted to just skip my next final, but ... I know I can't. When did grades start meaning so much? When did grades start meaning more than the actual knowledge? I'll write more tomorrow night, when I'm not dying. Sorry this is just ... sucking.