Mood: Chef Music: "School" - Nirvana I'm a very tired, very hazy Quiet Seth right now. What am I doing at this moment? Other than writing in my journal, I am making a deep dish pizza - it's not delivery, it Di - Di ... it's Italian. Why am I making an entire pizza for little 'ole me? Well, aside from the fact that I have an extrenuous appetite lately - meaning I could eat the whole fucking thing in one sitting if I wanted to and haven't eaten since 6 PM yesterday - but, you know, my brother had a late, rather eventful night last night (he works in security) and he's due to wake up in a bit ... I'd like to have a nice, four-cheese deepdish pizza waiting for him when he actually gets up. The smell alone should pull him out of bed. So, yes, it's thundering out - but at least it's daylight, right? There's no warnings out or anything for my county, so everything's peachy keen, just a nice May thunderstorm - and that makes me happy. I've needed one of those for a while. I'm a stormy kind of guy. I love them. Unless they're really severe and come at night, prompting tornado warnings ... I think this area has had more tornado warnings - and actual tornados - in the last 3 1/2 years, than it has in the past two decades. And the meteorologists take this seriously - they really do. And that's okay with me, I mean, they're saving a lot of lives, and I'm grateful for that. But I don't think people up north and far west in places like Maine and Mass quite realize how important and frequent these warnings are. In fact, I don't think several of the people here even realize the severity of these storms - why? Because they still go about their business even after the sirens go off. And whereas, I would be sad if they were killed, I would still laugh my fucking ass of if they were hit by flying debris such as tree limbs and cows. Me? I have this ... uhm ... ability, if you will, to be able to tell if storms are REALLY going to be serious, or if they're not and I can still go about my routines ... like sleeping. If the sirens do go off, and there is a tornado headed straight for us, then I have this other gift that ... you know what? I'll talk about that later, I guess. I don't think I'm ready to make that known to the public just yet. Anyway! Right now, I can barely breathe. And why is that? It's called congestion. Yes, Lindsay, I am an idiot. Remember when I was hot last night and opened all the windows in the apartment? Yeah, well, I forgot to close mine. So now I'm paying for it. But don't you start worrying about it! I'll be all right. I have my Vicks and Advil Cold & Sinus, and I'll be just fine. You'll see. Smile for me, okay? Anyway, on to the real reason for my entry, the whole Lucid dream thing. I don't remember much about last night's dream, but what I do remember is kind of ... different than what I'm used to. Melissa has an older brother, too - he's in the Army - well, National Guard now - but he was in the army, and he's been called to duty again, in Greenville now, but going to Fort Knox on the 22nd. What's he going to be doing there? 4 days out of the week, he's going to be checking cars for bombs ... that's right. It's a serious job - and, I just want to take this opportunity to say that I support troops - I'm not going to get into my political stance an all that, I'm just giving out a "thank you" to all the troops and guardsmen out there. So, thank you. But, getting back to the dream. I think, somehow, I went into her head last night. I told you that when I take Ambien, my dreams are really fucked up, right? Well, I think I was in her head. And there's her brother, in his uniform - and it's dark, but I can't tell if we're outside or not, and I'm her. Yes, I'm Melissa ... which really isn't that bad of a thing - because I really love Melissa. But it was a bad thing to be her in that situation - because, me being Melissa, that means he's MY brother, and I'm feeling everything that she would. And she's scared, because at that moment, her brother just falls over ... ... and dies in my arms. Her arms. And ... I just remember the look on his face is that of a very tired person. And she's scared to death. She is. I would be, too. And I am. She's going to read this entry in a few days, when she gets back from her hiatus, and she's going to cry, I know she will. Melissa, don't worry about it, all right? It's just a dream - and it won't come true. He's going to be all right. And ... it's not like she doesn't worry ENOUGH about him as it is. I mean, Melissa's not exactly all that great when it comes to giving goodbye's, you know? And people have been leaving her these past few weeks, and it's just been Hell for her - because now her two best friends, Mal and her Brother, are gone. Mal's going to California, she's not coming back. And her brother, well, her bestest best friend has gone off to do Army work far away, and she won't see him again for probably six weeks. So ... she's pretty alone right now. And it doesn't help that she's possibly more reclusive than I am lately. Can't really do anything to help that anymore, you know, now that school is out and she's 30 miles away. Melissa, I love you. I really, really love you. Don't be a stranger and don't close of everything and everyone. I'm still here, you know? And I still need you. On a lighter note ... The Pizza's done. Yay for DiGiorno! I'm STARVING. It wasn't much of a dream entry, but it was something - sorry I can't remember much about it today. More to come later. on a much, much lighter note ... you can all check out something that brings a ray of sunshine to my life. boymeetsboy.keenspace.com www.mallmonkeys.com