I just had a big fight with my mom. Not huge, just big. I was just standing in the kitchen, making macaroni and cheese (the spiral kind. I think that’s the best anyway. even though I have issues with cheese, I can tolerate it every once in a while) and she calmly came in and sat by me. She was quiet, and I knew something was up. She told me that my dad told her that I said that she had been pretty much using her for 18 years. She never loved him. Ok, she personally told me that she had never loved my father. I just put two and two together and realized that she was a stupid teenager after a guy with money, and she married him. It got carried away and they had 2 kids and she stayed with him because he had his own business and was doing well and did anything she told him to. So yeah I wonder where I got that idea from. They are divorcing now. And I guess once in a while they communicate and that’s what came up during their little meeting. Goody. I can’t say anything anymore without getting in trouble. I happened to say that at a time when I was feeling really angry at my mom. Not exactly rare. But I was really mad at her because it seems like she has gotten an easy life, yet she still complains about how my brother and I don’t appreciate her enough for being such an excellent parent. She is not an excellent parent. She does take us places, yes, but that doesn’t make her a good PARENT. Just a good chaperone. That is usually her excuse whenever we try to talk to her about how she acts. Basically for my entire life she has tried to get away from our family. She was always either on the phone or someplace else with somebody that would take her mind off of our existence. I raised myself in many ways. Not all, I will admit. That would be impossible. But in many ways nonetheless. My brother, however, ended up being fucked up. At least right now he is on the path to being severely fucked up. And my mother is too self-absorbed to do anything about it. Sure, she goes to the school meetings they hold about my brother and they all agree that “Something must be done,” but in the end everything is the same. Nothing is Done. He is still on the road to disaster. She’s such a great parent. I know that it must be difficult having my brother here without my dad now, and she seems to be the only one to “save” him as my dad is off working and providing, but things could definitely be better. My brother needs help. Desperately. I think I can make it on my own for now, as I will be 18 in a little over a year, but my brother isn’t as strong and will do stupid things if given half a chance. But yeah my mom and I got in a fight tonight, but it seems like whenever I want to back myself up, I can’t think of anything to say to her. My mind goes completely blank and I don’t know what to say. And that’s pretty much what happened tonight. It also doesn’t help that she seems to be completely oblivious of the fact that she isn’t the world’s best mom. So anything I say would probably go in one ear and out the other. I don’t know what to do with her. Or anyone. She says I’m incapable of feeling empathy for others when they feel pain. When has she ever really felt real pain? When she divorced my father? No by then she had met somebody else to provide for her and take care of her. Somebody that would pay more attention to her. I don’t know if she was just trying to get us to feel bad for her or what, but I don’t think she was exactly torn up about divorcing him. She has never had to actually work in her life, so it’s not like she has exactly had it hard. I don’t now exactly what she would have to bitch about, besides the current state that things are in that she helped create. As for me, we will be moving off this hill in the middle of nowhere soon, with any luck. I will be able to have more of a life I hope. I don’t want to play family here anymore. Not with these people. I need a break. Desperately.