I just sent a e-mail to Joe. "Do you know what I've just realised? If I hadn'tve been on my period last Monday, I would have slept with you because I loved you and thought you loved me back. And then you would have finished me two days later because of a fucking job. I can't believe I fell for all the lies and broken promises you fed me, and yet I'm the one sat here crying. I fucking hate you." Yep, that pretty much sums up today. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Then I got one back. "U'v just told me that you really have no idea who i am and never did. I'm the kind of person who always tries to do the right thing but always just gets everything bak in his face in more ways than 1 cause know1 ever thinks about the bigger picture. They just say and think wot they want to without even knowing if its true or not, no matter if it hurts others. All my friends no that im honest and i respect any1 who i meet, and as long as they know who i am thats all that matters to me. everythin i said, i ment an i would never use ne1. im not that low. You can think or tell me wot want. I don't wona argue with you or even fall out so im not guna say nethin bak if you want to say other stuff. Joe" So I sent this back. "Would someone who really respects me try to finish me over the internet untill I told them to ring me? No I don't think they would. They'd have waited to meet me the next day and talked about it to my face. Honesty means saying what you mean, and you even said to me that night that you didn't know what the word love meant. So why did you say it? And the only big picture here was the picture of me last night at my dads going through all my messages and crying because they meant fuck all. Oh yeah, and apparently Clara and Jess have fallen out with me because I spent so much college time with you. So don't you fucking go telling me about things being thrown back in your face. You said you loved me, and then you finished me for a job, or money, ultimately. And you couldn't even be bothered to ask for less hours. And sorry, but I'm not the only person who see it from this point of view. No, you don't have to reply, but if you actually gave a shit like you said you did, you'd at least try to put things straight. I do know you Joe, but you don't know what you've done. So why don't you come to terms with it, eh? You're not perfect you know. Lu x x x" So I got this back. "lucy, i wasn't goin to finish u over the internet cause i no i wouldn't like that to happen to me. i was guna call u even though u wont believe me. And that was way i spent all my spear time after been in the studio looking for you. When i said i loved you i ment it in the way i felt. Let me try to explain, the feeling of happyness, excitment, loveing spending time with you, wanting to be with you. in shorter terms it was a feeling i never felt before. and most of all when i said it, it felt right. u seem to think its only u whos hurtin and upset. well its not. If this was all under diffrent circumstance it would have worked out. i wanted it to work out. You were the one who said to me that long distance wouldn't work. all i said last week was for you to let me know the facts before we had the converstaion but im was hoping it would work out and everything would be ok, but i never said for certain, i just wanted to b rite.its nothing to do with other people points of view cause this is about us. And i never though i was perfect but this is not all down to me, this is because of the way things are. you were thinking the excatly the same the week before. Its not only about the job. i know u gave up alot for me but i gave up alot for you to. eg my friends at home, my band practise spending time with my family and i havn't ever had time to play music. all of this while im bin going out with u (apart from the show for a week) and that didn't bother me cause u were worth it but in the end its just to much. If i had a car and we lives closer together it would b easyer but i don't. I have spent pretty much all of my saving coming to c you and spending time with you which took me a year to save. but still i don't care because i stil feel it was worth it but its all just to much in the end. lucy, this isn't me trying to get at you it just us realizing its all just to much to expect and as it carried on it would have got worse. just remember wen i said ur not the only one whos hurting as i didn't want it to turn out like this. lucy i don't really no wot else i can say. i can tell ur not guna understand it from my point of view just as u say that i can't understand it from urs. theres never i winner cause thats not the point it wot i did, all i no is i lost Joe x x x"