Well, it's tomorrow. More about Lucy's awful weekend. (for those of you who are confused, read back an entry) Yeah so we were called downstairs for lunch. I walked down with Poppy and Lizzie who were still talking about eyeshadow and lipstick and into the kitchen. He was sat there grinning at me. Grinning? "You can sit here next to Tommy, Lucy." Great. So I sat down and recieved a tap on the shoulder. "I'm sorry I went off in a huff, I'm just really annoyed about the room thing. You must have had a bad journey." "Something like that." So we sat and ate, and the food was really good. Tommy's mum's a really good cook, she's one of those gifted people who can just do stuff, instead of even managing to burn microwavable burgers like me... We talked about random crap that families do when they havent seen each other for a while. Mum talked about the broken bath and we all showed our desgust at how it was... well, broken. We talked about college and school, A-level results and GCSE's, but as soon as the convesation got to work, I switched off and concentrated on eating. I watched Tommy and Danny argue over the peas and Poppy rolled her eyes at me, which made me laugh, until she started complaining that Danny was kicking her... So our family was relavtively well behaved in comparison. My mum and Tommy's mum then got up get the pudding and Danny and Sam were told, to their desgust, to clear the plates. Which left me and Tommy at one end of the table and Poppy and Lizzie at the other still descussing blusher. I tried to look really interested in the blinds at the opposite side of the room, but this evidently didn't work as I soon got a nudge from Tommy. I smiled at him then carried on with my blind-watching. Another nudge. So I nudged back. The nudging carried on for a few mintues, until he poked me in my side. So I poked his belly. So he poked me back, and so on. Pretty soon we were out of breath and being told to behave by my mum. She went out. Another nudge, "I love you." I felt my face drop. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I tried for what seemed like ages to come up with a reply that wasn't "I love you too.". Couldn't find one. So I just smiled and returned to my fascinating blinds again. "Hey?" Ignore him. He'll go away. "Hey! What's up?" "Nothing." "I said I love you." "I heard you." Pause. "What's wrong with you?" "Nothing! What's up with you?!" "Well, I just told you I love you." "I know you did. I don't know what you expect me to do exactly?" Wrong question. "Well say I love you back would be nice!!" Lizzie and Poppy had heard this and turned round. It sounded like it had been heard in the kitchen too, because the noises of getting pudding had stopped suddenly. "Tommy, be quiet." "No!! I thought you were supposed to love me and now you can't even say so?!" "Because I don't Tommy." "... what?" I had my head in my hands. I wanted to dissapear and reapear back home. I wanted him to go away. I wanted everyone to STOP STARING. It wouldn't go away now. Not now I'd said that. "Tommy, please leave it." "No. No just say that last sentence again." "No, Tommy. Leave it." "Say it." "No." "Just fucking say it!!" "I'm not going to say anything now in front of your family and mine, it's got nothing to do with them Tommy." Suddenly the pudding noises started again. But suitably less loud. "Why does that make a difference?! You said you love me in front of them, so why can't you say you dont?!" "TOMMY FOR FUCKS SAKE LEAVE IT!" I got up and headed for the door. "NO!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY IT?! FUCKING TELL THEM. TELL ME. TELL ME YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!" "FINE!! ...I don't love you." I only heard him burst into tears as I walked away. I just heard the living room door slam as I walked out. And just carried on walking. Shaking and crying down what seemed like coutless streets just thinking about nothing but getting as fas away as I could and how many people were staring at my face. I probably had smudged mascara, I was thinking. After about half an hour of walking I sat on a bench. It was cold. And dark. Probably late afternoon. My phone rang. "Lucy? Where are you?" It was my mum. "Lucy? We've been looking for ages, where are you?" I put the phone down and cried. I hid myself away from the road so no one could see but I still felt like everyone was watching. After a few minutes, I came to a conclusion. I was cold, lonely, and very lost. I went through my phone book. None of my friends know Liverpool, they'd be no good. I couldn't ring my mum, I'd just put the phone down on her, she was bound to be livid, not just about that, but for upsetting Tommy. Everyone would. For I second I panicked. Untill, I thought of someone. Just one person. It probably wasn't any good, but I was going to have to try. So I tried. And the phone rang. Well at least it was ringing... "Hello?" "Charlie?" I'd been crying that long that that word probably wasnt entirely intelligable. "Hello? Who's this?" "It's Lucy, Charlie I'm lost!" and I burst into tears. Again. "Lucy? Lucy who?" "Lucy from Wakefield." "Tommy's Lucy?" "Uuuugghhh it's all gone wrong!!" Wailed me. "Hang on a minute, how have you got lost?" More wailing from me. "Allright I'll come get you. Can you see any road signs or anything?" "Erm... no. I'm on a bench outside a pub called The Badger." "The Badger?! How the hell did you get there?!" "I don't know!!" Cue more wailing. "Right okay I'm on my way. I'll be about 20 minutes. Okay?" "Ummmmm hummmmm..." Sniff. Charlie got there in exactly 18 minutes and 23 seconds. I was bored and playing with the stopwatch on my phone. I was quite glad to be in the warm car. And hugging a warm Charlie. We didn't say anything in the car. I think I must have fallen asleep for the 18 minute and 23 second journey, because I don't really remember any of it. I just remember pulling up and saying, "So is this where you all live then?". "Yeah. Me, Tommy and mark are on this side, and Josh and Mike are on the other. Now are you going to explain how you found yourself wandering outside The Badger?" "Yeah, I'm intersted too." a voice came from the living room. A very pretty boy with short, brown hair grinned at me. No wonder, I must have looked a black smudgy mess. "This is Josh, Lucy. He's my boyfriend." Charlie grinned, obviously proud of this fact. I don't blame him. If I handnt've just found out he was Charlie's boyfriend, I wouldn't have said no... So I explained. They were a good audience, they "ooh"ed and "awwww"ed in all the right places. And they agreed with me that descussing it in from of the family wasn't a good idea, and Charlie said that he's had to walk away from Tommy more than once in his life. "He can be very pressing." he said. And I was taught that Charlie was the phsycotic one... Then Charlie's phone rang. He looked at it, then looked at me. It was Tommy. So I nodded and charlie picked it up. What sounded like a very panicy Tommy was on the other end, and aftermany a "She'll be fine Tommy!" and "thust me, she'll be allright!" I heard him say, "Just hang on a minute..." and cover up the phone. "Lucy, can I just tell him you're with me? He's in a right mess. Please?" I shrugged. I didn't want him or anyone to come and get me. "I won't tell him where we are. No one's going to come if you don't want them to." So I nodded. "Tommy she's here with me and she's fine." More talking, the he covered the phone again. "He wants to say he's sorry. You mind talking to him?" "I really don't want to, Charlie." "Okay." He carried on talking on the phone for a bit and I flopped my head on the sofa. It was 6 o'clock. I'd been walking for hours. "Is there anything you want?" Josh asked. "To go to bed." So I did. My mum apparently cam to pick me up, but I don't remember. All I remember is getting out of the car at home and going straight to bed. My phone rang and it was Charlie again, we talked for a bit but I was nackered, so I went back to sleep after a bit with the phone on my pillow beside me and Charlie saying "I guess you're asleep then. Night night, hope everything's Okay.". Today was an average day, Mike made me laugh again on a couple of occasions, he's great for side splitting fun when you're feeling like shit. I'm not bothered about him as much in a boyfriendy way though, I don't think he'd want to anyway. But he cheers me up. :o) Haven't spoken to Alex. I'm dying to tell someone at college that I like him, but I'm scared they'll laugh at me 'cause he's a bit weird looking. He's got big teeth. But none of my friends are mates with him, so I can't go up and talk to him or anything because I don't know him that well. He still smiles at me though. Argh I keep trying to tell people that I like someone and then going... actually I can't tell you. Hehe I sound like such a loser. It took me ages to tell Clara I liked Joe. :oD I'm so tired. Bed bed bed. ZZZZZzzzzzzz.....