You know, it's funny...I had a countdown to leaving for college on my page, and it's now 19 months and some random days later, and I find that almost impossible to believe. I can't seem to figure out how two years have gone by since those "good" old RHS days, and yet, at the same time, I know I'm so much different than that tall girl with hair cut short who didn't say much, but was decently smart and had best friends. And really, I'm still a tall girl, with hair slightly longer, still decently smart, but one who doesn't talk about what matters because she doesn't have a best friend anymore. To be honest, I miss my senior year sometimes...I was comfortable in who I was, I had Monica, Sam, Dan, and Alex. I was in love, I hated my parents, and I couldn't WAIT to get the fuck outta Roscommon, because gods forbid I ever go back and make my life there. I still feel that way. I just feel nostalgic, and a little amused at what my point of views were, and are now. Back then, dating=bf/gf, now, there's a major difference, and it's not a big deal to flirt with someone at a party you may never see again, it's even okay to kiss them, although I draw that line at sleeping with them. It's perfectly okay to get drunk and silly, and when you puke, don't be embarrassed, because the person taking care of you has been there too, and you'll both probably be there again, getting each other water and trying to make them eat bread and stop with the shots. I've always been sarcastic, anyone who knows me knows that, but now, I'm less afraid of what other people think, and I'll speak my mind and stand up for what I believe in, and if I'm wrong about something, I'm still damn stubborn about it, but I'm getting better, and I think that just comes with growing up. People who think differently aren't the social outcasts of high school, here, in college, they're the people you stay up with at the all night coffee shop talking about EVERYTHING and coming away with brand new thoughts and perspectives. Living on your own is nice too....and sucks balls. You have to deal with roommates and new habits, which, if you're lucky (I was) you get away with a new friend or two, and only a few minor arguments. If you're the type of person whom mommy picks up after, cooks for, and basically cares for like you're 12, then you'll hate it. Doing your own laundry, cooking...or not...good meals, knowing when to tell yourself your room MUST be cleaned if only to preserve your state of mind. You appreciate what your parents have done for you more, and I call my mom at least every other day, if not just to say hi or find out how my grandparents are, then to find out how to clean something, cook something, fix something, whatever. Not ashamed to admit that there have been a few days when I've called home to talk to one parent or the other about 4 times in one day. Sometimes it's just nice hearing a familiar voice, especially after a bad day, or when you need some advice and there's no one else who would know. Dating is very different, obviously, I never would have thought at 19 months ago I would be here, with my random guy problems...well, one guy problem, and not even a problem, just...I don't even know. But it's there, and I'm dealing, although I should ante up and maybe try to figure it out. That's what really provoked this blog, not that I really miss RHS, just the people who've either grown apart, or grown so fucked up you just don't know them anymore and really don't want to, and the fact that I knew I was loved, and loved back. It's an amazing feeling, when you know you can go to this one person and count on them being there. I still somewhat have that, the love for someone, and all I want is that little bit more, that little reassurance that what I think is right, and I am loved. So, really, I need a hug, and that's all, just from someone who honestly cares about me, who isn't just a friend when there's a party we're both at, who knows me and whom I know back, I want that absolute feeling of being safe and comforted and knowing that he can come to me if he ever felt this way too.