So, wow, an update! Not like it matters to anyone, but still. I'm at college and it's slightly amazing. I love living on my own and making all of my own decisions. Classes are getting really tiresome, though, and I've definately decided this is my break-down week. So far everyone I know has had their "college breakdown." They start saying how much they miss everyone and how hard it is to be away for so long. That's not why I'm gonna have mine. I mean I miss people, ok, I really miss people and want to see them, but I know that if we're really friends everything will be ok through this experience. I'm just getting run down and ym depression keeps flaring up. When I'm dead tired and that starts happening it means things are gonna start going bad for me. And I just wanna say quick that yes, I actually do have depression. I have the imbalance and I should be on pills (even though I'm not) and the illness is still around. I know there are a ton of little 12 year olds running around screaming about how depressed they are, but that's not me. I'm 18 and I have a problem and that's the end of it. I have no idea why I just decided to explain myself, since I never do that, but I did so take it for what it's worth. So this week is gonna be hell, I can tell already. It started Friday night actually, and it just snowballed until now. I went to Lancaster this weekend and had a pretty shitty time. Let's not get into that. SO then on Sunday I came back up to school with Dunner. It was around 11 and we were hungry so we dropped my stuff off at my dorm and then went over to his and ordered a pizza. Him and Ed needed their cars taken over to the field across the river (I know none of this directional stuff makes no sense to anyone, but bear with me) and I didn't wanna stay at their dorm alone waiting for it so I took Dunner's Rav and Ed took his Beretta. So we got to the field and Ed decided to lock his keys in his car with the lights on. Damn. I called AAA and the bitch on the phone told me someone would be there between 12:30 and 4:00 in the morning. Fuck. So I tell him I'd wait with him. I don't know why, probably because I'm a loser (no matter what they seem thigns aren't ok between us yet). Once 3 rolled around we decided we'd waited long enough and just left. I walked home and crawled into bed around 4. Kill me. I've been tired since. So yeah, I can tell this week is gonna be hell. Other than this week college has been amazing. I've been meeting new people and trying new things and it's just a great time. The thing that's pissing me off is I might have to transfer. Ok, here's the thing. I'm an English Writing major. The English Writing curriculum isn't helping me with what I want to do. I wanna write books and fiction. Creative writing. All of my classes are technical writing, something I'm not gonna need to do what i want. I also decided I love Art. I love to create things people want to look at. I love using color and designs to make people go "oooooh." There're two problem: my school has no Art program and I'm not that good at Art yet. So what do I do? Do I transfer and do what I really want to do, even though I don't know how to do it? I mean that's that school's for, right? I don't know. There's that other little problem that only Karen knows about, but let's not get into that. I'll just leave you with some lyrics. Backbeat the word was on the street That the fire in your heart is out I'm sure you've heard it all before But you never really had a doubt I don't believe that anybody feels The way I do about you now And all the roads we have to walk along are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would Like to say to you I don't know how [Oasis]