ok so it's been a while since I have actually written something worth reading in this thing. So I am going to make an effort and try to do so now... I wrote Jared and I told him that I couldn't do it. Anymore. I know it's going to break his heart but mine has been broken for the past 2 years and frankly I don't know if I really care. I tried to do it for as long as possible and I can't handle it anymore. And it's not the whole him being in prison thing. Surprisingly enough, that I can handle. It's all the other crap that goes along with it. I think that things have just gotten so bad between us that we could never be together again...the right way. We'd always be working against eachother and I don't want that. I want someone who I don't have to fight with to make my point...someone who will see my side and BE by my side. Someone I can do the same for. I can't do that with him. He can't do that with me. So what is the point? I really don't have any regrets though. I know that I would have spent the rest of my life wondering if I ruined this relationship and "What if I had tried"... But I know it wasn't all me. Lord knows I tried my damndest to get us through this whole thing. It just didn't work. So I think I will be alright. As long as I don't see him. When Levi gets his own room, all of Jared's pictures will go in there. I don't want them out for me...just for him, ya know? I am getting my ass in school. And then, by the time I have to go FULL TIME to school, Jared will be home and can actually HELP me with Levi. I am not saying that him and I will never be together again. The idea of our family coming back together after falling apart is nice. But that is up to him. I don't want to do this whole thing and not get the credit I think I deserve... So I give up. I hope that he doesn't look at me and think "You left me in there." I hope he looks at me and thinks "You did it for as long as you could, thank you." Who knows.... Well...maybe it wasn't worth reading, but I feel better. B