Have you ever had so much crap built up inside that you no longer knew why it hurt you only knew that it did? Last night I sat down and cried for the first time since my ex and I parted ways. Since then I've been through a lot of crap and it's all just been building up inside, rotting my soul from the inside out. Last night I just let myself go, I actually allowed myself to feel again, which might have been a mistake. I cried for almost two hours straight, my sides and face still hurt from all the tears I let loose. I feel somewhat better today, but I didn't realize all the things I've expereinced over the last couple years that I never let myself feel. I wish life could have gone the way I thought it was going, I might have been better off, I even wish that life could have gone the way it was going before I so foolishly left, I know I would have been happier there, but I think maybe all this pain has made me a better person, helped me to appreciate what I had, and I've learned not that if I do manage to be lucky enough to love again, not to squander it away like I have many times before.