How much is sanity worth. How much pain can you cause and withstand in the name of sanity before it because sadism and masochism, before it becomes true insanity. My old life seems to rip me apart, I'm no longer the person i used to be but I long so bad to have things I used to have. The one thing I want more than anything else in this world, the one thing that has seduced me more than the eternal pleasures of heaven is lost to me because of my own rash and ignorant actions, and though I have become a better person through those actions, I've still lost. I doubt anyone can truely understand what it is that I've lost, why it's worth so much pain to just walk away, instead of having it dangled in front of me, always reaching but never able to touch. I don't cry anymore, but the tears don't want to stay in any longer. I'm sorry my sweet angel, I don't want to leave you behind again, but it seems that it's my destiny to loose you over and over agian, to always remember what I feel for you and never be able to have it because my duty rules my life. I want more than anything to be able to make you happy, to be by your side, but I can't. I'm sorry...