For some reason this week God has decided to take out a personal vendetta against me and all of those I'm closest to. It all started with Reagan dying, i was out at hot topic minding my own business getting ready to buy a new hat and a shirt when my cell phone rings, i missed the call by a second so i checked my voice mail. the message was my team leader telling me to call him back asap and it was no bullshit, it was the real deal, so i call him back trying to figure out whats goin on and he tells me, reagans dead, we're leaving for california tonight. That night happened to be a very close friend of mines birthday and we were going to throw him this huge party, but I didn't get to go because I was stuck in the baracks all night getting ready to leave, we got on the bus to the airfield at 0300, the plains left at 0600 and as soon as we got out to ventura cali we went straight to work practicing and setting up for the funeral. all that week I was trying to get ahold of jessie because she was supposed to be coming up to see me this last weekend but I wasn't going to be able to get back to dc till late saturday evening. I never got her to answer the phone. So I call up my buddy doc and ask him if he could go to the airport to pick her up but i didn't have any of the flight information available to me at the moment so I told him i would get back to him with it, that was the last time i was able to use my phone till 2100 california time friday night, I called him to see if he had gotten her all right, he said that since i never got back to him that he thought id gotten everything taken care of so he'd gone out and gotten drunk, so I spent the next three hours yelling and cussing at all of my closest friends in dc trying to get them to find out how I could get ahold of her for me, and they were all too stupid drunk to help me out at all, finally i gave up, there was nothing more i could do with the current circumstances, i had used up all my resources, so i went to bed that night more pissed off than I'd ever been in my entire life and had the worst night of sleep i'd ever had. The next day we got up at six to catch the plane back at 1100, by the time we got back and got everything settled it was 2100 dc time, I ran to the hotel where jessie was staying hoping to god she'd still be there, i checked with the front desk and the guy said the room was under my name and was listed as a noshow, so i turned around and walked out, as i was walking down the parking lot out front one of the other guys behind the desk ran out and yelled at me to come back, he told me that since I hadn't been there with her they weren't able to give her a room, he also told me that she was going to mcdonalds to get something to eat and then go try to see a movie at union station, i ran over to mcdonalds, she wasn't there, I took the metro to union station, bought a ticket to the theater and ran in and out of every movie trying to find her, I never saw her, i went outside, sat down, had a cigarette, called the airport to have them page her to see if she was there, they put me on hold for over half an hour and i finally gave up on them. so she came all the way up here to dc to see me and i never saw her, and to think i was going to buy a later ticket for her to go home since i didn't get back till late and i wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. but now she thinks i forgot about her, that i don't care, and right now my soul has been ripped into pieces, i'm still trying to clean up the mess of pissing of all my friends friday night, i'm so stressed out that i can't think, i can't eat, i can barely move, and worst of all, my butterfly thinks i'm a complete asshole because god loves me, and i love him.