My back is on fire right now, claw marks criss-cross my skin as though some beast had attacked me from behind. My mind is still intoxicated with her smell, the feeling of her soft skin under my fingertips. And I'm afraid. Love has meant nothing but trouble for me for my entire life, it seems like everything i have ever loved has turned around and caused me not but shear agony, though I like to think that the happiness I feel outweighs that sorrow. NOw I add yet another name to the very short list of those that I am connected to, and I don't want to. We sit, drinking our starbuck's mocha fraps, we debate about religion, politics, nothing at all. We discuss art exhibits, books we've read, the poetry that has inspired us in our loves to move past our current condition, the music that has kept us alive through our pain, and made us smile through our joys. And everything just seems to fit into place. In mind, she's the kind of person I use to talk to for days straight without sleep, without break, just talking i circles of ideals that in the end are fairly useless to me, but it sets my mind at ease, let's it wonder, challenges it to think, and I enjoy that. In body, the soft curves of her form, the silkiness of her skin, the firmness of her flesh, sets my sendses ablaze, rips my mind assunder untill all that is left is this feeling of being in a dream, a dream from which I do not wish to escape. And then when i leave her, go back to be on my own, I remember that there are those that I love, still looking to me for hope, for guidance, for happiness, hundreds, if not thousands of miles away. I don't want to let go of that love that I feel, Kelly, you are the greatest thing that I've ever come in contact with, and I never want to be without you. But I'm a long way away, and we can't be together, both for the distance, as well as other reasons. I know that you understand that even though I love you, all I can be is a friend, a distant pen pal, and someone to talk to, to dump on, over the phone on the weekends. Jess you have to be a close second as the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, before kelly you were the first, that's why I asked you to be with me for time and all eternity. But I really don't know how well that would work out, I do still want you to come up and see me, maybe something will change, but for now I'm not sure that you coming up here to live with me is the best thing for either one of us. I have to cut the ties to my old life, so I can start my new one here, and I really don't want to hurt Cristy, so everyone that loves me, I'm sorry but I have to move on, for now, I choose what is here for me, when my life changes, and things change, then one day I may come back to you, but my friends were right, I have to make a decision, I have to do the right thing, and the right thing is to chose the relationship that isn't reliant on the internet and telephone. This entry is far too long, so this is where I cut it off. P.S.: Levi the third girl happens to be an ex girlfriend of yours, I'll explain when i have more time.