You know, it's been a long time since I could just sit down and write whatever was going through my head at the time, let's see what happens. It's been a while since I've been able to do much of anything in fact. It's interesting where life takes you sometimes, and what positions you end up in. I've sat and watched as all of my friends have drifted away, either in trying to find their lives or in destroying them. Now the people I held dearest to me are away in college or living with a boyfriend that got moved to a different ciyy far away, I feel lonely, left behind. So many friends have serious relationships and look to be moving by so fast, I'm left in the dust of their lives and they pass by barely giving me a second thought. Occasionly when they realize that i'm gone they turn around to look for me and it's sometimes refreshing but how long until they get so caught upin their own lives that they stop looking back to see if I'm still there. I sound so petty, like someone still so connected to the world and the human condition but this stigma of lonelyness has become a heavy burden in recent days, and at times I wonder how far I can truely carry it. I guess in the end I have no choice but to let go, to let them all go. It's time they I moved on to a new life, to do new things, to have new friends, but I leave so much behind as I go, and I can't help but look back, for I leave behind memories of the greatest happinesses that i've ever felt, I leave behind love, I leave behind promises that I vowed always to keep that I won't be able to if I walk away... I just wish so badly that I could see EVERYONE again and just work out everything that has happened and figure out how I'll be able to keep up while we all move in opposite directions. There are a small handfull that I could never live with myself if I left them behind and it hurts that I can speak with none of them because they've all walked away from me while I took my dainty jaunt through hell. Maybe one day they'll make themselves known to me and I'll be able to find them again. When I leave I leave behind love that I wish that I could at least make know, if not somehow nurish, but alass it will probably fester away within my heart until it evntually just totally consumes me. I pray to God that i'll be able to overcome this, and I just hope that He can hear me.