Why is it that when you really need something in life it's not there, but when you finally give up on it and move on it hits you in absolute abbundance. A girl that i have loved since the second I met her, the girl that I truly believe to be my soul mate, she left for a while, she promised me that she would still always be there for me but all I wanted the one time I would be able to see her for what might be a very long time, was for her to love me again. And I saw her love for me in her eyes, I saw that she wanted to let it go, to love me. But she fought it and in the end it nearly destroyed me, all I wanted was that love that one night to make it through the rest of my hell that I put myself in, and I couldn't have it. Another girl, I girl that I love more than life itself, a girl that loves me more than I think I could ever really understand, I turned my back on her became a totaly ass forgot what it was that I had and took the greatest treasure in the universe for granted. She left me. We had a rough time and even though she tried to take me back for some reason I couldn't stand to take her back for some reason and I left her, lost her and she left for real that time, though it destroyed her to walk away, she did it because she loved me and thought I would be happier without her, and of course i didn't see it, didn't realize it, didn't realize what I had. Both of them, they for some reason, for some twisted amusement of fate, have decided to come back to me. And as much as I would love to make a decision between the two, to finally take what I know I need and settle down and have a good full happy life, the decisions I made put me in a place that right now I can't choose one over the other and know that I've made the right decision. So even though one wants to come and be with me, I'll accept her with open arms and love her more than I ever did before, I can't straight up say that I choose her for good. I feel great to know that I'm loved, but I feel like I'm being ripped apart because life has set me in a position that I always prayed that I would never have to be in. Anyway I've rambled long enough, so fairwell.