to question what is unknown is moto, but to question what is known is key. i came up with that in my Sophmore year. I'm going to start updating. probaly adding more pictures. i finaly got some of me. yeah!

Okay I havn't posted in a LONG time. So here is a recap of everything that's been going on in my life. My dad broke up with his gf. I didn't get the job at Taco bell. I am still with Drake. I tried to kill myself. Im not aloud to be home alone anymore. I have a vampirefreaks page. Vampirefreaks.com/Shadows_of_Pain Not to mention as myspace page. myspace.com/shadow_of_pain

Okay I havn't posted in a LONG time. So here is a recap of everything that's been going on in my life. My dad broke up with his gf. I didn't get the job at Taco bell. I am still with Drake. I tried to kill myself. Im not aloud to be home alone anymore. I have a vampirefreaks page. Vampirefreaks.com/Shadows_of_Pain Not to mention as myspace page. myspace.com/shadow_of_pain

I am medicated now. Wow. I'm on 20 miligrams of Prozac a day. It feels like all the time before I started to take this medicine that I was on drugs and that now FINALY my head is clear. It's werid. I'm still not used to it. I mean for once I'm not a slave to my emotions. It is great. -stupidgurlbb

Ich liebe Sie. Ich verpasse Sie. Gott, der ich nicht warten kann, bis ich hinunter nächst neben Ihnen jede Nacht liegen darf. Sie wickelnd Ihre Arme die dicht sind um mich. Mich redend eine Million Meilen pro Minute. Sie verstehend jedes andere Wort. Nur Hängen aus. Seien Sie nur mit Ihnen. ____________________________________________- The above is meant for my girlfriend. She will understand it.

It kills me. This week I will only get to see Ashley on Wednesday. :'( i hate saying goodbye to her. :'( I love her with every fiber of my being. On a better note I should be getting my dipolma on Friday. SWEET!!! Also I should be getting my DS. I can't wait. I hope my dad is proud of me. My dad used to be my whole world....when I was little. Now Ashley is every thing that I want. I won't to make her proud. Make her happy. Make sure she is okay. I'm trying to get a job @ Taco Bell. To get the ball rolling and move out of my dad's house when I get the chance. When i move out i will be getting three kittens. I can't wait. Ashley and i are going to try to get a place. Every thing I am doing (expect for getting the DS) is all working towards the goal of move out. I love ashley. sometimes I feel obessed. maby i am. at least I'm happy...for once. : )

_______ ________ (.) (.) ====++++++====== ~~~~~~~~Mr. Skull~~~~~ --------„³ „³ „³ „³ „³ „³ „³ „³ „³ „³ „³. „³ Mr. Skull is very sad. Mr. Skull hates the internet. Cause Mr.Skull died from surfing the internet. All day every day. Died from the scensors. Glogging up his brain. Restricting his thoughts. Monitoring his alpha waves. Mr. Skull couldn¡¦t resist. All of the dirty deeds. All of the personal information that everybody put out there. Mr. Skull became a total perve. Reading all things that everybody thought was safe until Mr. Skull hacked there accounts. Found out all of there private things. Did all the weirdo things. Trying to know it all. Mr. Skull thought he was invicible on the internet. Untill he hacked a government computer. Then he lost his touch and got cought by bad government peoples. They tracked him down quicker than you¡¦d think. They took away his brain. Put it in a jar. Did weirdo things to him for thirty days. Then they put him back together. He was no longer human. They dumped him in the wilderness and tryed to feed him to rabed dogs. But, even rapid dogs won¡¦t eat such nasty things. Caused he had become an empty shell. Just bones. Nothing good. The outside now matching his inside. He is just one person. One perv out there. Thankfully a harmless one. Who knows what he could of done if he could of wanted to. All the lives he could of ruined. All the bankaccounts he could of drained. All of the innocent young lives he could of taken if he was of that persuasion. Fear the internet as you would fire. Fire can be pretty and useful but, if you get to close you will get burned.

I'v titled this entry "Drake". It's my girlfriend's nickname. Man everything is going pretty damn good. I'm in love. No i mean in REAL love. I feel every bit of it. There is mutual respect. I'm pretty much out to everybody about being a lesbian. Yeah I'm a LESBIAN!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay. There I'v been needing to yell that and sense I'm not out to every one in my family yelling that is not realy very safe but, it's the thought that counts. got to http://www.myspace.com/shadows_of_pain to view some picks of us together. If you are interested. GOD I'd LIKE TO tell some of my family members (the ones I can't tell.) Guess what i'm a lesbian and you can screw off but, unfortunatly I can't. oh well a girl can dream. ttfn. ~stupidgurlbb~ the stupidiest girl on sitdiary.

I'm in a great relatioinship. THe best ever. I'm also in love. However today I can't stop worry about everything. It's realy bring me down. I have no reason to worry. I guess it happens from time to time. I realy love her. Truly.

wow. things are going good between my g.f and i nothing else to report. at least that I feel like sharing here...maby in a XXX story but, not here.

okay, righgt now i'm at my girlfriend's house. Yeah literaly girlfriend. She is my new beau. We havn't been together for long. She is great! GTG before I piss her off. It's a good thing we are both internet junkies.

I dedicate the following to my new beau. ______________________________________________ Kill me swiftly. Kill me softly. Kill me fast so I feel no pain. Or do it slow and make it burn. In the good times we want to feel like life is real. In the bad times we want to be numb. Never is there an in between. Kill me not before I compose my music with my keyboard. Typing away in a bliss that only musicans understand. Here is my intrument. The insturment of my words. With it out flows every thing. Kill me swiftly. Kill me softly. Why in the midst of good times...all I feel is pain? Past night-mares that won't die. Dreams that never were realy dreams. Yet, if they were dreams; whose fucked up dreams could they be? Kill me swiftly. Kill me softly. Make this burning inside me go away. It's burning up from the inside out. This flame with in me is over whelming. Making me want to jump up and scream. Making me stutter, and arroused at the same time. Make it all go away. Kill me swiftly. Kill me softly. Hold me in your tight embrace. Take me and clame me as your own with your carnel power. Do what you want with me. Clame the fire with in. Kill me swiftly. Kill me softly.

Okay,so here is the deal. I asked someone out. BEFORE I broke up with my b.f. I broke up with him that night via text sense I was low on time. I wrote a poem about it. I'll post it tommrow. Which will explane everything. The thing is the person whom I asked out...well we have been flirting like every day for 2 months. No kidding. Me being an air head didn't reconize that I was flirting with them. Them being the person I am currently with and whom I intend to say with. For how long? Who knows. Back to the topic: I'm realy sad that I broke up with or that he won't even look at me. Nope I'm sad cause I miss our friendship. That's it. Also I wrote a poem about a month ago and it fits my current beau fairly well. I'm going to post it on here and dedicate to them. TTFN

I drive myself crazy. So why do you help? Guys are stupid. Guys are dumb. Guys are sweet. Guys are nice. Guys are just plain werid.

http://www.cryptozoology.com/links/links.php http://vampires.monstrous.com/biological_vampires.htm

See What You'v Done By J.M See What You'v Done. All the destructon you have caused. You twisted the world with your vile words. You made some people people see my dad as if he is the source of all evil. He did everything he could for you. Then you stabed him in the back. Yet, instead of scurring of into the night you twisted the blade drawing it deeper. You made my family sound like they were blood thristy vampires from the farthest reaches of hell. As for your kin you made them seem as though they were a source of the light from the very stars in the sky. Then you have the guts to speak ill of my grandmother. Who was so feeble she couldn't hurt a fly. I admit her bark was bad, but far worse than her bite. She was in pain from her soul out. Her heart surly far larger than yours. She gave and she gave untl her very last day. When you left you started a fire that set a blaze in our lifes'. Now we walk on egg shells. Praying that no-one says a word. Acting normal yet, still scurring about. Our ears finely tuned for any apporaching danger. While out there looms a fox ready to pounce. A wisper of something wrong and down we fall (no matter how true it may be.) Away my brother's could be wisked. To places only god knows and where only he could follow. As long as the fox legally can. Make my father leave our home again. Toying with him because of the lies that you said. All of this because of you. Because you are a coward and couldn't wait to flee. Saying things that could never be true. Making my dad seem like a demon of the hightet order and you an angel of the highted rank. Well I have news for you. Roses are red and violets are blue. In the end we all get what's coming to us and someday you will too.

.hov:hover{background-color:yellow}Watch Video:THE ANTHEM (Good Charlotte)Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

So I broke with that guy that was "to special." He was such a winey guy. YEAH IF YOU SEE THIS I MEAN YOU! Sorry just thought that he might read this. Oh fucky well. I'm at school and I'm bored. CAuse today is a half-day and were on "lock down" so we can't go to our next class. Which is 6 th...even though were in 4 th hour now. We do our schdule that way 5 th hour is last. Sweet I have E lunch so I get to eat then...GO HOME ..or well ride the bus home but, what ever. Bye, Bye Mr. Special.

Wow after today christmass break...kick ass. Wow man i might graduate this year. I don't think I'll be able get enough probaly get close if I go to summer school all day. Then go until this time next year. Been sick so far this week. Damn i hope at least a couple teachers excuse me from there finals. Cause other wise I'll have to take them all today. :( I'm still with my great b.f . He is truly too great to share with the rest of the world. No joking. No offense how ever I feel as if I shared the magic would go away. i mean I'm not even sure how long we have been going out. ( I think it's 2 nearly 3 months could be wrong) However that doesn't matter. Cause he is too special. Happy Holidays! ~the stupidest girl on sitdiary~ stupidgurlbb