I'm giving up hope that Stephanie and I will be able to be friends again. Which is very hard cause i care alot about her and I finaly decided that I want to realy open up. Cause i get why I should now. So that I won't be standing alone. cause i'm not. if i were to tell my friends about it then they can share aleast part of my burden by talking about what ever is going on. eney ways back to what i was saying. i didn't expect her to get over every thing quickly. but, i'm getting tired of putting my self out there. trying get her to talk to me. cause she obviously don't want eney thing to do with me. this may be one of the hardest things i'v had to do up to this point. to admit defeat to give up on someone. especialy someone how means this much. right now i feel like the most awful person in exsitence. what i did to her and jill. i'm just glad i can't feel every thing. just part of it. other wise it would be too much. every thing i'v said, has fallen apon death ears. it didn't do me eney good. i need to find away of numbing myself. i want to soo bad. i need to get away from my self. if only it were that easy.