I figure I don't have eney thing left to lose. The thing that keep me from doing some thing stupid ........ Was I want to get my license to drive. So I can drive my car at least once. I want to see Jill one last time. Every fiber in my being wanting me to .......... I was so close. I practicaly had my life in my hand. For about an hour there I did. Ya I know not good. Shit I felt and well still feel like I'm teatering on the edge. Like one little "gust of wind" could blow me over it. Apart of me wants to fall off and do some thing stupid. Some thing I can't take back. I'm glad I can't talk to Jill right now. She wouldn't be very happy with me. Nothing new. or I could put on a :)