ok, frist off. nothing to lose. I don't realy want to kill myself. I was down and felt like shit. Thinking about how I scrwed stuff up. Being dramtic. I know stupid. I shouldn't of gotten on the computer and type that. The reason I said, Stephanie and Jill weren't my reason to live was cause. I don't think people should be someone's reason to live. But in trouth they were. Nothing else nobody else has ever meant as much to me as my friendships with them has. Some times I push people away to protect some of my darkest secrets. Well that's what I was doing. I was close to telling Stephanie some thing. I wanted to tell her soo bad. I truly scrwed every thing up. I guess I did mess up all the plans that were mad for this summer. ya stupid. Well that's my name. I know I can't change a thing. It's just too bad that I royaly screwed every thing up. With no chance of even starting over. but i did. I did scru it all up. and this isn't a movie and there is no magical solution. I hurt them and there is no going back. There is noting I can do. Neither of them want a thing to do with me. It's my fault. I'm going to miss them both. :{ but I'v got to move on. I bet Stephanie and Jill want to as well. I just went about it the wrong way. Being rude to Steph. though inderectly. I still have a lot to learn.