I'm so very tired, I haven't gotten enough sleep... Dammit. Eduardo came over yesterday, that was fun. He was about to take Buttercup, but yea... Had to stop that real quick. Maybe next time, I'm not quite ready to let go yet. Anyways, funeral... That was hell, just being there, I didn't get more than like 4 hours of sleep cuz my cousin likes to stay up til all hours of the night when I'm there, or maybe he does it all the time... I dunno, all I know is that I never went to sleep til at least 2 and then I'd wake up every hour and have to get up by like 7 or 8, depending on who came to get me. And Nikki pissed me off talking about how she was so tired and stuff... She got a hotel room and sleep the whole frickin time, so yea... That pissed me off. And also, I've found out that my mom reads my journal... Not this one, but the one I carry around and yea... I write EVERYTHING in there, so it's pissing me off. But I can't say anything cuz I don't wanna start anything since the woman has just lost her mother, but yea... I can't take my family anymore. AND THEN... I just love my father... My uncle Leonard, as in my dad's brother... came to Maw-Maw's funeral, but my father couldn't even call to say he was sorry my grandmother fucking died... WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?! Leonard doesn't even know my mom's family. But yea... Him and my aunt Rita were still there, and I was hugging him and wow... That was my breaking point, like I couldn't stand up or anything... Wow... Yea, then there was this pervert checking me out, and apparently he's been accused of rape before, so um... Creepy. He was staring at Nikki's boobs too, while he was talking to a PASTOR!!! lol... It was soooooooo funny, and then we found out about the whole rape thing and then it was just frickin creepy as hell. And yea, after that he kept watching me whenever I passed him, he's actually turn in his seat. And this was at Maw-Maw's WAKE... wth... Then after the wake everybody... Friends and family... came back to Netta's house and I was showing Tre this dance I had learned at Johns Hopkins and then he went upstairs to go get something. So I'm downstairs in the basement doing the dance and I look up and James (the creepy guy) is standing in the doorway watching me, he didn't say anything... He was just standing there. So then, he was just like "So you like to dance?", I was like "Yea", and just like "Alright I feel that." and left... OK, you cannot tell me that that isn't at least alittle creepy... Then my Uncle Neal had a nice little conversation with Eduardo. He was like "You better protect my neice... Virginia's just a hop and a skip away..." lol... haha... It was soooooooo funny, and then he was like "Yo wassup dawg, this is Neal. They call my Smooth here in Louisville though." Wow... Uncle Smooth. My mom's the Diva, and Netta's the Southern Bell. My Grandparents raised them well... lol. *sigh*... I'm gonna miss her... And I've never seen Paw-Paw cry, it was kinda scary. I'm worried about him. My mom too, she's trynna be all tough and blah blah blah, but I'm just like 'You just lost your frickin mother, fuck strength, go cry somewhere', but yea... She's too proud or something, she thinks she needs to be strong for me... Yea, so not true. I've been through enough shit with her that any breakdowns she may have will have no affect on me anymore. She is starting to piss me off though, and I have nowhere to go cuz I'm not talking to my dad and it's not like I can ask Nikki to take me somewhere, cuz well... She lives with my dad... I just need to get away from my family for a bit... Again. oooooooooooo yea... Amani, my roomate from Johns Hopkins, and I have decided that we want to go to Hawaii for CTY next year, so I need to get a job ASAP and start saving up for that shit. Then I need clear stuff up with my dad so that I can ask him to help me. Then I have to tell my mom, I can really see her saying 'no', but I'm still gonna tell her about it. Maybe if I save up the money she'll let me go... You never know... hmm... The possibilities. omg, that would be so frickin awesome... aw man... We're trynna get Pallavi and Emma to go too, that would be sooooooooooo cool... Aw man, cuz we'd all be never-more's too... Meaning, it'd be our last year. And we'd have our own Passion Fruit ceremony. Aw... That would be sooooooooooooo awesome. Wow... Alright yea, I've been typing for like an hour so I'm gonna go now and see if I can get some more sleep, even though it's like 2 in the afternoon... Ciao ppl. ♥We love you Maw-Maw♥