It's been awile sine i've written in here. So much is going on. So many feelings good and bad about so many different things. College life has been great. Pretty much everything i expected it to be. Im still (and will always be) working on building friendships with the girls around the dorm. i avoid boys a lot. i just dont need to get mixed up in that sort of relationship right now. Im still missing my boy back home a whole lot. But then there is this one guy here and i just dont know what to say about him. He is everything Ive ever wanted in a guy. He has a strong relationship with God and we both feed off of each other's strengths in our faith. I've always wnated that. Its draining to be the sole sorce of strength in a relationship. This boy strives hard to be a man of God. he isnt easily influensed by the people and culture around him. He does his own thing for God and its totally attractive. We've had a lot of good, long conversations over the past couple of months.. but thats just it... We've only known each other a couple of months. We are both trying hard to focus on our studies and most definately on our relationships with God. But i wouldnt mind if things gadually developed into more. But then i cant help thinking about my boy back home. We broke up back in May. we didnt even date long. But our relationship was more focused on the friendship part of it rather than the high school relationship thing. and I miss the friendship.. but it's too hard to know that i cant let myself be with him. No one will ever understand... I just cant let myself fall in love with him. Moving past the topic of Boys... I am going ice skating tonight with some friends. Im so excited. i just cant let the folks find out because i recently had knee surgery and im not supposed to be doing anything like that for a long time. Im not even aloud to run for a year. which takes me to July. AS IF!!! I've been running since september. Nothing serious. Mostly just chasing people down the hall... But I will most definately be running by spring. Im not telling the folks this either, but im going out for the girls' soccer team next year. So starting in the spring and going through the summer i am dedicating myself to some hardcore training. My mother, especially, would flip if she ever found out. shes so protective of me. If it wasnt for my knee, she would be all for it... so I was thinking, How am I going to explain to her why I have to be at school 2 weeks early next fall? I came to the conclusion that I will just tell her i am the manager of the soccer team and I need to be there. Ok, so its a bold faced lie which is definately a sin... But she just wouldnt understand and its my life.. not hers. Thats why I have no intentions of telling her that I have chosen a major! She wouldnt like my choice either. and its not like shes paying for my education. Im on my own!!!! im out of here for now... fun evening ahead of me!!!