It has been so long since i actually had an understanding and confidence in who i am. I have lost myself in the identity of my friends. i was becoming a clone of them, or atleast who i thought they wanted me to be. It took me almost the whole year to realize this.. some people were right when they siad i have changed. i still say absolutely everything that has happened this year has been for the Good. i cant think of one bad thing that has happened to my life that is bad. I still miss him. its been almost a year since we had our last really good conversation. ive never been close to any guy like i was with him. im still not close to anyone like that... I know God needed me somewhere else and i couldnt give my heart to him and thats why it had to end. i just wish it could have turned out a little different. Im glad he has moved on... i just wish i could have as well. Its not like i sit and dwell over the fact that he is with another girl. im happy for him. i just wish i couldbe with someone else too. although i do have my commitment to God and thats waymore important than my pride even if i do loose track of my priorities sometimes. Coming off to college iwth my best friend was supposed to make things easier, right? that was worng. She is so different. Or, she is the same and i am the different one. Yeah, thats it. Im trying to grow up and transform from a care free kid to someone who has responisibilities. she is like the least responsibile preson i know. she act like such a child. I feel bad that i am so excited to get away from her this summer. I will be working at a camp away from everything and everyone i know. i am going on my own. this is the first thing i have ever done completely on my own. My family and friends knew nothing about it until i was done and im proud to say that i did it. Im not sure if the folks are so thrilled that i will be gone all summer. but they dont understand how i hate to sit at hoem and do nothing. my summer is devoted to God and doing his will. It will be a life changing summer. i can just feel it. Im already looking forward to coming back to school in the fall and we havent even had finals yet. Within the last month or so i have finally found something to be passionate about agian. and that is SOCCER! I nkow it sounds silly. I start spring training with our girls' team about a month ago and since the first day all i have wanted to do is play soccer. when im not on the field, im in the raquettball room kicking the ball around with friends, or Im running around campus with Brandon or im thinking about soccer or talking about soccer. OK, so it sounds more obsessive then what it is but the truth is, i have not been passionate about anyhting all year. Im finding my confidence agian through soccer and thats what is really important to me... its not fitting in, or being athletic, or having a huge cirlce of friends... whats important to me is having the confidence to do what God needs me to do and soccer is helping me with that. I cant wait to come back in the fall and really get into the sport. FOr now, i have finals to study for and papers to write so this is all for now... and probably the next few months.... please keep me in your prayers over this summer?