So this is my second entry today... but its the weekend and I've been done with classes since 11 and nearly the entire campus is gone for the weekend. I'm getting ready to head out with some girls to go ice skating. Thats exciting. Then tomorrow i am heading out with Sarah for the rest of the weekend. We'll be back late Sunday night... For now Im left alone in my room with my own thoughts. That's scary... So here's whats in my head.. and since no one ever reads this anyway im safe to be completely honest. He has been on my mind a lot lately. If i had not come away to school would things have turned out differently?? Would we still be together?? Would I have finally been able to kiss the only guy i have ever truely cared about?? Who knows... I just wish we both would have held tighter to that friendship we had. I'm a jerk. and he said some things that hurt. But he never understood that I had to turn and walk away. I had to look at him and lie and tell him the relationship wouldnt work. I got scared because we were too close. I wasnt ready to be so close to anyone yet. I wouldnt even let him kiss me. he ment too much. i wasnt ready to move to that level. So many people are like, kissing is no big deal. But it is. Its more than Ive ever given to a boy. Im going to be 19 in three days. Sure, ive kissed two boys before... but to kiss someone that means more to me than just a boy to kiss... thats something i wasnt prepared for. I wasnt prepared to fall in love. I wasnt ready. i was just in high school. high school relationships are meaningless, right? So why does this one hurt so much? I never felt safer than when he had his arms around me. But then things changed. When i was with him, its not that i didnt feel safe, but i was scared of how far i would let myself go with him. how far would he let me go with him? How far would he try to get me to go? I dont know if i could have stuck to my boudaries... but oh man... why didnt i just give it a chance??