Go ahead. Kick me. I'm already feeling down. I feel like I've been kicked in the face while im down. Sometimes i just want to go home to heaven rather than continue to try and unravel God's puzzle of a life gave me. Im fighting what feels like a losing battle with depression. I have become like a pro at feeling the moods coming on and preventing them but tonight i just let it go. I can usually contol them better than this. I dont think it helps that I was diagnosed with a medical condition that causes depression so now i really can use it as an excuse. thats not good. I cussed at a girl i barely even know who has been nothing but nice to me since the moment she introduced herself and took my tray up at dinner b/c i had just finished CC practice and she was just being her normal caring self. I told off the oldest friend i have left in this crazy messed up world. She pissed me off which under normal circumstances it would not have bothered me but i have reached the point where i already just want to die. Being forgotten by such a close friend was a kick in the face while i was already down. Ever since knowing her she has been the emotional one and i was her firm foundation. Her needs always came before my own and the one night i really truly needed her, she didnt care. She was selfish and didnt care. Im tired of giving myself just to be slapped in the face. Im not a door mat and i will not be walked on anymore! I hate her and I hate her most of all becasue I love her and there is nothing anyone can do that to change that. Its like God is telling me i am not aloud to hate her! WHY!? I hate this.