i don't kno what the fuck to do... god i feel so fuckin bad for everybody... can't everybody just be fuckin happy??? but that would just make things too easy and shit. i wish my friends mom would just be fuckin nice to her... but instead she just has to get out whenever she can, and she cuts and smokes and drinks and all this shit... and if it was up to me.. i would let her stay at my house forever... she's been like a sister to me anyways... yeah then last nite, she spent the nite.. we watched the season finale of friends, it was sooo good. but i had already seen most of it, so i kept falling asleep so she kept wakin me up... then we finally wtached it all.. and we started talkin.. and i finally cried... i haven't cried in ages... specially in front of somebody.. i'm not sure why not.. i just haven't... but its droven me crazy.. i've wanted to soooo fuckin bad... and also.. i've decided to give up cutting... and it's soooo fuckin hard... i've wanted to alot lately.. specially with the shit happening with my friend.. that she really doesn't deserve... and also with my other friends... god i just hate seeing all this shit happen to them.. i want everybody to be happy so fuckin bad... can't i just change things?? if anybody has any idea of how to fuckin change things... tell me!!!! god.. i want to cut... at least i can smoke.. but not as often as cut.. cuttings easier... haha i got a great idea for mothers day.. i'm gonna put a box with all my razors but one, on the top write, happy mothers day, and inside, under the razors, i'm gonna put a card that says, i hate you but i love, and sign, the cause of your sorrow hmm whatcha thing? haha i like it.. now i just gotta find a box... i don't care what my mom thinks bout it... whatever.. she's been pissed at me lately any fuckin ways so whatever... alrite.. well i'm gonna go to bed or watch tv or some shit.. bye...