blahh.. i did it.. i didn't really want to.. but i did.. i don't really think i even had much of a reason.. i think that's what really pisses me off bout me doin it.. i mean, if i woulda had a reason.. i guess i wouldn't be as mad.. but rite now i feel almost sick with myself.. but thats how i always feel after i do it lately.. maybe it's cuz i'm not used to it as much as i used to.. i don't kno.. but i kinda wish i hadn't done it.. but yet, at the same time.. i'm glad i did.. i liked the feeling.. i had missed it.. missed feeling the knife.. missed seeing the blood run down... i didn't do it anywhere bad.. i did it on my hips.. on one side i just drew a straight line, on the other, i drew an X. it kinda turned out crappy, but o well. not like anybody's gonna see it. i'm not gonna tell any of my friend's. they don't need to kno. they'll just end up pissed at me and hit me or yell at me or something.. so why bother going through that? i must admit, i do feel relieved now.... blahh but things have just been goin down hill.. i don't kno how i let things get like this.. but i've been depressed lately.. i've been thinkin bout cutting again.. and it's just all.. uhh.. it's all so stupid. i used to be so happy, i would always be laughing and smiling.. i miss that.. i wish i could be the same happy person i was.. instead i'm back to the depressed sad person i was last year.. but i'm gonna work on changing that.. i'm gonna try to getting back to being happy.. hopefully i can do it...