i love viv. i really do. i would seriously do anything for her. i would give the world for her. i just wish i could actulaly live there with her. it reminds me of this book i'm reading "someone like you." it's so great, and it's got two best friends in it and everything. they would do anything for each other. and thats exactly how i feel about viv. i hear about how things are at her house, and it just gives me this pain.. i hate it.. cuz i kno the things her mother says, does hurt her. but she tries to cover it up, she tries to not show that it hurts her. but i kno it does. i want to be able to take care of her. i wish she could live with me. even if we started hating each other, i would still let her live here. cuz no matter what, i kno i would always love her. and she doesn't deserve to stay where she is now, nobody deserves that kind of a life. especially not one of my friends. and when i find out one of my friends does have that kind of a life, i try my hardest to make things easier for them. because they don't deserve that, and i hate just seeing them like it. i kno that no matter how many friends you may have, or even if you have a guy or girl loving you, it still doesn't change that fact, that your parents arent there for you. it's not the same. and nobody can ever replace their space. but hopefully, people can help make it smaller. the other day, me n viv were talkin, and she said she would ask justin out for me. once she said she was gonna do it, i kne she would, she always does what she says she will. so she called, but he didn't answer, so she left a message. then last nite we were talkin to justin, finally. he said he had gotten an interesting message, adn was asking if that was what i really wnated and shit. i did.. but i didn't act like it.. because i kne it wouldn't happen.. and i kne it wouldn't be real.. so i just joked around kind of. then after a lil viv fell asleep so me n him talked.. he kept askin bout the message thing.. i just kept saying why does it matter and shit. he never really gave much of an answer to that, so i figured he really didn't care. i wish he would have though. but i kno he doesn't care. and i do need to try to get over him. cause nothing good will come from me just thinking about him and shit. so me n him talked for a while. finally i told him i had cut myself about a week ago. he kinda sounded mad at first, but then he wasn't... he just asked why and shit.. i don't kno, i gave kinda a stupid reason.. i only gave one reason, that i was depressed.. but really, that was maybe just a tiny part of the resaon, but i didn't wanna go into the actual reason for shit. it didn't matter, and he shouldn't care. cuz he doesn't. blahh i don't kno. whatever. i'm really into this book, its kinda sad even. kinda reminds me of my own life.... blahh.. i'll write more later.. bye.