fuck this shit. i'm losing everybody. nobody's even fuckin around anymore. nobody even fuckin cares. everybody has somebody. except me. i'm all alone. i have to keep things to myself. this is how it all started a few years ago. i can't go back. not now. ~ i can't start going back not again this is how it all began ~ * what am i going to do? i'm just so confused. i have no idea, how to fix things anymore. it's all broken on the floor. * it seems i have, no more friends. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- is it just me, or is it weird when you have fun when your away from your friends? i loved being on the cruise. away from everybody. if i wasn't with my family, i would have loved it more. but i liked not being near any of them. none of their shit. none of their drama. none of their lives. i just liked being on my own. for new years eve i went to a karate thing, and spent the nite there. i had so much fun. just being with all of them. i liked not being with my friends. not having to talk to them, n if i did, it was just for a sec. i love karate. those are my new friends now. those are who i care about n love to be with. i don't like talking to them on the fone. they annoy me. they don't care. they're not really there. also, i've been goin over to my aunts each day this week, cept tuesday. i like that. then i can't go n hang out with them since i'm over there. and she lives on the other side of town. so it's too hard to get to. so now i have an excuse not to go with them. i don't like being with my family, but i'm still not in the mood to be around my friends. the only reason i have for all this, seems to be. that i just don't care anymore. i'm tired of it. they're never fully there. not when i need them. and i'm tired of just lying around. when i want to go out, nobody will. everybody always has plans. n says no. well now it's my turn.