i blew it with the one person that actually knew me. that knew all of me. even the things i had never told other people. that i could talk to about anything. that cared so much about me. and yet, i blew it. i don't know why i fuckin did that. but i did. and i can't change it. he's moved on. and i'll never get him back. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- looking back on old emails. i realize i've lost two main people in my life. i don't know how this happened. or why it did. but i wish i could get them back again. i miss them so much. and don't know how. to ever get them to feel as they did. they both changed my life. for the better i know. but with them gone. it's left me only with sorrow. i need them back. but they will not come. i would give anything. to have them back. just to speak to them once more. but that chance is gone now. like the wind out the door.