blahhh i'm so lost.. i really have been lately.. don't kno why.. or whats going on.. i'm just so confused. like this morning, i heard my dad in my room trying to wake up amanda, and i started yellin at him to leave her alone and shit... and just all this weird crap.. and like, i kne i was saying it outloud, but yet, i couldn't stop myself.. it was weird. and then earlier today, i was supposed to go out with ona my friends and get me shoes, but i was late and when i came home i was lookin for her, and she wasn't there, and i was so confused as to why not. and then just a lil while ago, i had to do something, and i almost fell asleep, and then i had to do something and i like completely messed it up. then when i had gotten in the car, i let the door go, and it hit some other car, and the car's mirror had been broken, but it wasn't cuz of me, thank god. but blahh i've just been so lost and confused. i have no idea whats going on. and like earlier, i was all sad and shit, and gettin in some problems with viv.. and then tarzan comes on, and i just start dancin and singin to the songs. and then i played spice girls and was happy and singin and shit. i don't kno.. it's so weird. i hate how i feel sometimes. it confuses me so much. --------------------------------------------- i've realized i've been writing in here alot lately. not sure why. but it feels good. like something will happen at skool, and i'll wanna come home to write about it. i mean yeah at skool i got my journal, cuz i bring it. but i do so much better at typing. cuz i write slow and bad. anyways, sometimes it's kinda good to write where other people can see it... --------------------------------------------- i'm sorry to all my friends that i've been kinda mean to lately... i really care about yall alot. and i don't want to hurt yall. thats why i try to keep all my problems to myself. but then it kind of gets too much for me. and then i go and be a bitch to yall. and yall don't deserve it one bit. and so i'm really sorry. i kno yall just want to help, but i feel i shouldn't bother anybody, and that i should just keep it quiet. i always feel like my problems are nothing. i mean, i hear about other peoples problems, and when my problems get to be too much for me, i feel babyish and stupid for thinking they even mattered... hopefully i can get better and try to open up more. that way no one can get mad at me either...