I thought I should share this convo that K-Mai and I had about 2 months ago... I just found it while going thru stuff... I'm CIASAW8 and she is klapanun klapanun: it's ok ciasaw8: so... what have u been up to? klapanun: ugh! stupid decathlon, i don't feel like all the sacrifices i made are worth it anymore klapanun: it was last year klapanun: what about u? done anything fun? ciasaw8: lol... don't ya hate that feeling klapanun: yep, i do, i have to spend my thanksgiving and x-mas and new year for hw for reegular class' vacation hw ciasaw8: nothin' much... skool, family, writing, TV, music, same old same old... trying to get over having a crush on my best-friend, who also happens to be the guy who I liked last year, who also broke my heart twice and made me wanna do some not so self-worthy things klapanun: i must have been confused, i thought u wereover him a looong time ago, i hope yu will klapanun: but according to my teacher, a guy is never a girl's friend klapanun: he wants more than that always ciasaw8: I was... then we reconciled and then fought again and then reconciled again after he found out about that un-selfworthy stuff.... now we're just REALLY good friends, but I've got a thing for him that's bad... :(( klapanun: but he is such a sexist! and it's getting more annoyng thna ever! ciasaw8: lol... I like ur thoughts... and ur teachers ciasaw8: got a quick? ciasaw8: do u watch NCIS? klapanun: he's mean, i don'tthink he is worthy for you anymore, he should have like ou even more becauseof that stuff, it's his fault klapanun: no, not really, i don't watch tv much anymore, stupid deca! klapanun: i used all the little extra times i have on comp. or for hw now ciasaw8: I know... I feel that way a lot too, but he really is a good friend, I never would've made it thru all that crap if it wasn't for him and my sister... although some of it was b/c of him... I don't know... I'm sooooooo confused ciasaw8: oh... I'm writing a KIBBS fic for NCIS and my beta ran away and I needed someone's opinion klapanun: just wait until he realizes how much he really loves you and break his heart as a revenge klapanun: of couse, i'm only kidding ciasaw8: I would do that if I didn't want to lose him as my friend klapanun: i wish i could help, i'm having a serious block, analyzing oedipus the king right now ciasaw8: he'll never like me as anything more than freind, EVER... I'm just 'one of the guys' when I'm around him klapanun: maybe he just doesn't realize it klapanun: stiles did call terri his brother onc klapanun: e klapanun: o) ciasaw8: if u say so... I know better though... hell... I'm 'one of the guys' around just about every guy I know that klapanun: lol, in the end, everything will be perfect, you'll get over him, find some oher guy, and he'll be jealous, but it'll be too late ciasaw8: that's around my age, just b/c I was pratically raised by my dad and uncle... my mom was around, but there were only boys in my neighborhood.... and I'm an only child so no siblings there... ciasaw8: 8-| you keep thinking that klapanun: i have 3 sisters, and my dad's away half the time, so i guess i'm girly ciasaw8: lol... I have no sibs... I was with my dad and uncle more than my mom, and I have two "brothers" as I call them who I spent all my time with when I was little ciasaw8: I don't wanna be "girly"... now I guess that if I had grown up that way then I wouldn't mind, but now, I couldn't change ciasaw8: and I hate how most guys I know, wouldn't go for that kinda stuff klapanun: but i don't really think of myself as girly klapanun: at least not all the time klapanun: i like bugs more than some guy, one guy to be specific ciasaw8: lol klapanun: on thursday, a spider was crawling on my sweater, adn this girl told me, and this guy just jumped! klapanun: it was on MY back! klapanun: not his! klapanun: i'm not even sitting close to him klapanun: but then again, i do like all those girly korean utensils with cartoon characters, the ones like sanrio, the ones that are overpriced....but i don't usually buy them, i got mad that i can get something that works the same with less than half or a quarter of the price ciasaw8: I just feel more confortable in guys short, hiking boots, a oversized sweatshirt, and my hat turned backwards, sitting in the middle nowhere Virginia in the mountains, around a campfire at 2 in the morning in 50 degree weather, eating smores and drinkin' soda, talking about war, and fishin' and TV then I am dressed in jeans and some skimpy shirt, walking thru the mall at 9 at night with my g/f's shopping for new clothes and shoes and scooping out guys... I've ALWAYS been that way and probably always will be... I guys thats what happens when your raised by "Manly" men klapanun: o) klapanun: i think i'm just somewhere in the middle klapanun: i hate going to the malls, but tat's probably more because things are OVERpriced klapanun: i don't mind expensive stuff, but not when there's same thing for much less ciasaw8: I'm not... I mean... I can dress up and all that jazz, but I'm just not as comfortable... and guys only care about looks, and I'm not, by any standerd, good looking in my everyday clothes klapanun: and i hate the girly clothes too, they are just the perfect torture instruments to me klapanun: being a guy is cool klapanun: well, kinda klapanun: they don' have to worry about the monthly periods klapanun: and therefore no cramps! ciasaw8: same here... and I have this friend who's going out with this guy, she thinks that they'll be together forever, not that I'm saying that they won't or anything, but why waist you hopes and dreams on something like that klapanun: i'm jealsous ciasaw8: lol... I love dressing like a guy, their clothes are soooooo much more comfortable klapanun: being a guy is much easier, don't u think? klapanun: unless you're a gay guy and wear a tight-fitting pants ciasaw8: lol... yeh... having 2 "brothers" to grow-up around, yeh klapanun: i wish theres a way to get rid of perods without being sterile klapanun: i think terri should have gotten pregnant in nice ciasaw8: I guess I've just never really "felt" what people call "true love" or "real love" and so I don't really believe that it exists, with the exception of family of course, I just think they are more important things to worry about and dream about and all that jazz ciasaw8: lol same here klapanun: i don't think either one of them would have any kind of protection, they are, afterall, working. ciasaw8: I mean, I've had my share of crushes, but not love klapanun: yep, families are the center of the universe, i think that a "true love" is synonym for "blindness" klapanun: i've never had anything klapanun: and it's making me wonder about myself ciasaw8: same here, I mean, it does exist to some people I guess, i mean, my cousins and their b/f and g/f and husbands and wives, but I just don't believe in it ciasaw8: you know what I mean? klapanun: yeah, i mean, when it gets really serious, i think they are more linked by caring.... ciasaw8: yeh klapanun: they just live together for so long that they cares for each other a lot ciasaw8: yeh... klapanun: and i do mean A LOT klapanun: lol klapanun: but of couse, there's an exception in the ff wrld klapanun: in there, everyhting is true love ciasaw8: and my friend and her b/f do make a cute couple, and they do seem to really like each other like that and as friends and all that... but how can she say that she "TRUELY" loves him?... I just don't understand that klapanun: i think that ppl use the word "love" much too loosely klapanun: so lose, that it lost some its sacred connotation in family ciasaw8: yeh, same here... I was thinking really hard about this the other nite... it's not jst that, like I said, I guess since I've never felt it and I've never had a relationship at all in my life, that I just don't see it as something that exists at this age... I even have trouble believing it exists in some adult realtionships... my parents fought quite a bit when I was younger so I lost my faith in love, I just hate how so many people in high-school, more the girls than the guys, that put so much stock in being in a releationship and being toegther... like it's wrong not to be klapanun: according to my firend, best friend at that, you haven't really experienced high school if you haven't had a boyfriend klapanun: i just kept my mouht shut and walk away ciasaw8: and I'm not saying that if I had a crush on someone and they asked me out that I would say 'no', but I'm not gonna go lookinbg for it.... not that I'll ever get asked out unless they wanna use me, but I still don't think that people should worry about it soo much... and then there's the fact that teenagers think that their "in love" and move into the sex stage (my friend) although, as far as I know, she hasn't done anything yet ciasaw8: then... I'll never expirence high school, but hey, that's fine with me, I've got my family and friends, and my dreams and goals, I don't need a guy to mess that up klapanun: yeah, i totally agree klapanun: and the very act of looking for it proves that it's not true, it should be spontaneous, and the way to love somebody unconditionally, and sponaneuously is if you are reealated ciasaw8: totally agree klapanun: but now, my aunt is yelling at me to go to sleep o( klapanun: i'll c u later, buh bye ciasaw8: damn... I need to vent more ciasaw8: X-( ciasaw8: night ciasaw8: bye klapanun: lol, tomorrow