Okay, this one I own. Treeflame wrote this down while discussing the possibility of Methos' name meaning 'Fear'. Duncan: I am Duncan McLeod of the clan McLeod! Methos: I am Fear. Duncan: Why am I holding a sword? Let's do something else today....Can I buy you a drink? *************** - JAMES: You saved my life. - BOND GIRL: We all make mistakes provided by Emma and Corrinne :) *************** - What do you think? -I think one of us has lost his mind. *************** - Other people leave a mark on the world, you leave a stain. *************** - Oooh, I wanna be just like you...all I need is a lobotomy. *************** - Go to hell! - I've been to hell and back so many times I've got frequent flyer miles. *************** - Are you drunk?! - Ofcourse. *************** - Are you okay? - Okay? What's okay? I haven't seen okay in years. *************** - I'm not high! - I guess you're just naturally fucked up. *************** - You really think I'm a complete idiot, don't you? - So you're a mindreader. *************** - There is no sadder sight on this earth than a jock trying to think. *************** - Do we have 'anything' resembling a plan? *************** - Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. *************** - Your father has a big surprise for you. - I'm adopted? *************** - I'm gonna hit you so hard that, when you wake up, your clothes are gonna be out of style. *************** - I trusted you! - I hope that's the last mistake you made. *************** - What happens now? - Now, we die. - Well, that's a bad plan. *************** - A car for my birthday? But I don't know how to drive. - Ah well, there's a jaws-of-life in the trunk. *************** - Jesus Christ!!! You come tearing in like Rambo without a jock-strap! *************** - Now what? - Now we get the really big fucking guns. - Hallelujah! *************** - When I open a can of whoopass on somebody, it's industrial size. *************** - You're loving this, aren't you? - Are you kidding? I finally get the chance to shoot people! I just wish all my old teachers were here! *************** - Xanax, they relax me. You want one? - No thanks, I drink. *************** - My God, the best years of my life are gone...and they sucked. *************** - We're talking to each other and I wonder 'what's this feeling I'm getting?' - Nausea. *************** - Are you guys gonna hurt me? - Unfortunatly no. *************** - If this marriage was a horse, you'd shoot it. *************** - Are you stabbing that woman? - No, performing an emergency appendectomy. *************** - I love you, why do you think I put up with you? - I don't knwow; I thought you had a disorder or something. *************** - You're drinking too much. - I have braincells that will remember this evening. I want them destroyed! *************** - I know, I know, you think I'm insane. - Not at all, otherwise we wouldn't be able to sue you. *************** - Who's using the family braincell today? *************** - Since when do you care about me? - I don't, it's the drugs. *************** - He's okay. - Snitches re-emerge from maffia cars looking healthier then him! *************** - If you keep putting your foot in your mouth, you'll be getting athlete's tongue. *************** - What's wrong? You're as jumpy as a french poodle. *************** - I don't like guns. - You prefer knives? *************** - Hey, don't mind me, i'm just a fly on the wall. Not even a fly...I'm a gnat, a tiny little gnat. - Nice ego. *************** - But, but... - No but's, except yours...up there! *************** - I've got a lot on my mind. - What mind? *************** - Are you sure he's dead? Maybe you just really really hurt him. *************** - Well, when you're my size you're either very dead or very unconscious. *************** - He's a lizard; I always expect him to shove off his skin. *************** - This is gonna keep me amused for long after my lifetime. Hell, if I'm reborn, I'm probably gonna come out giggling. *************** - I'm not an idiot! - Do you have that in writing? *************** - I'm gonna kill you! - Get some new material, man. *************** - Who's that guy? - I don't know, he's not wearing a toe-tag. *************** - Oh no, don't kiss him. I may throw up. *************** - When you have an attitude, who needs experience? *************** - You can't talk to me like that! - Sure I can , I'm a lawyer. *************** - Dude's crazy! - Like we're not? *************** - Are you insane? - Isn't it a bit late to start asking that? *************** - Don't just stand there trying to think! *************** - When I was in Vietnam on a photoshoot, a six-foot tall yankee sergeant ignored my polite suggestions. I believe he still walks with a limp and wonky vision. *************** - Harvey said you were a cow. - He was right. *************** - Is this your family? - Until I get into the witness-relocation-program, yeah. *************** - I've waited twenty years for this! - The term 'compulsive obsessive' mean anything to you? *************** - You're out of your mind! - Yeah, but still a lot of fun to be with. *************** - I'm not gonna kill him, I'm just gonna shoot his foot off! *************** - You killed him! - Nah, he's just resting. *************** - I kill people. - Well, if you were perfect, you wouldn't be single. *************** - You've always been nobody. You invented nobodyness! *************** - How long you've been here? - let's just say I'm on a first name basis with the roaches around here. *************** - Ignore her, she's drunk. At least, I hope she is...otherwise I'm in trouble. *************** - I heard that! - Well, I said it out loud. *************** - This is the greatest day of our lives! - Did the kids run away? *************** - This is bad. - No, Michael Bolton is bad, this is a nightmare! *************** - My mood is like a black bog. - Without the duckies? *************** - I can't help but notice we might be outnumbered. - I can't help but notice we might be dinner. *************** - Crawl from under that rock you're hiding under and I'll drive this truck right up your ass! - How colourful. *************** - There are a lot of reasons not to kill you, none of them being that NASA will miss you. *************** - Hey man, if you back-paddle any more, you're gonna moonwalk through that wall behind you. *************** - "What are you doing, Dave?", he asked in a voice way too calm to be sane. *************** - A pessimist is just an optimist with all the facts. *************** - I'm gonna tear your lungs out, you son-of-a-bitch! - Ah, well...all in good time. *************** - If everything else fails, read the instructions. *************** - He prised his nails out of his knees and spoke one vowless, unutterable word; a sound which the human larynx would never be able to reproduce under normal circumstances. *************** - Do you know what a pawn is? - Yeah, it's a shrimp. - That's a prawn. *************** - What about I clean your mouth out with a steelbrush! - What about I kick you so hard in the balls, they get lodged in your nostrils!! *************** - It's three in the morning and I'm standing all alone in the docks. Why don't I just pin 20 bucks to my ass and scream 'Victim!'? *************** - Did you just kiss me? - No, my lips slipped, I'm kinda clumsy. *************** - Do I hear what I think I'm hearing? - The echo in your head? *************** - I think we should keep an open mind, mine is wide open. - I can feel the breeze. *************** Okay, this rant came out of 'The Demolition Man' and was brought by Dennis Leary. I loved it. - I like to think. I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy who sits in a greasy spoon and wonders: "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy and fries?" I want high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and buckets of cheese, okay! I wanna smoke a cuban cigar the size of Cincinatti in a non-smoking section! I wanna run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body, reading Playboy Magazine! Why? Because I might suddenly feel the need to, okay pal?! I've seen the future, you know what it is? It's a 47-year old virgin sitting around in his space-pyjamas, drinking a banana-brocolli shake, singing 'I'm an Oscar Mayer Weenie!' *************** - I hope they fry the one who did this and that it takes a long time and that in the middle of it, a fuse blows and they have to start all over again. *************** - Sigmund Freud would've had a field-day with you. *************** - What did you do today? - I don't remember... - Not a thing? -...No.... - Now I know how American Gladiators stay on the air. *************** - Oh Blunder! *************** - What is he talking about? - I stopped asking myself that a long time ago and I'm a lot happier for it. *************** - You're not over me, yet! - I take longer to get over a speedbump. *************** - I don't know you, I don't like you, as of now I'm al over you. *************** - Ah, weird things happen. I once saw an entire chorusline of purple wombats doing a danceroutine on the edge of my bathtub........Ofcourse, I was pretty drunk at the time. *************** - If you drop dead om me, I'm gonna shoot myself and come after you! *************** - If he weren't rotten, mean and crazy, he wouldn't have a personality at all! *************** - What's in this? - Don't worry, it wont kill him. *************** - If you all talk at the same time, i can't seperate you from the voices in my head! *************** - Where's your Christmas-spirit? - Stashed away with my Bigfoot pictures and my Alien probe. *************** - I'm not yelling, it's an echo. *************** -Do we have an understanding or do you wanna see if you can breathe through your forehead?! *************** - I'm sure inside he's not so bad. - Gimme a scalpel, I'll go look. *************** - Dave, the TV's not turned on. - Shh! I'm watching this. *************** - You're stoned out of your skull!!! - You say that as if it were a bad thing... *************** - Man, are you crazy? - I prefer the term emotionally challenged. *************** - They better kill me when they're through, cause otherwise, I'm comin' after you! - Bring it on! *************** - I'd like my eggs lightly scrambled, like my brain. *************** - We're gonna tear through him like crap through a goose! *************** - All Americans love to fight! I hate snivelling cowards! No surrender! - Mike! have you been watching Patton again? *************** - I don't need you. - I'll tell you what you need, a good Prozac! *************** - Are you looking for trouble? - And I found you, didn't I? *************** - I'm not making the same mistakes again. - Oh no, you're making all new ones! *************** - It's so important to your future that you do not finish that sentence! *************** - Killing is easy for me, how do you think lying is? *************** - I didn't forget, I just temporarily didn't remember. *************** - Dammit, go to hell! - Oh I will, no doubt about that. *************** - You didn't have to kill him! - Sue me! *************** - There's more to life than being able to breathe. *************** - I've waited years for this! - Get a life. *************** - We kill him tomorrow. - NO! - Okay, the day after tomorrow. *************** - You're gonna have to move out. - What?! You can't release me back into society! *************** - You're insane! - Just misunderstood. *************** - Don't push me. - Oh, but that's the beauty of it, I can. *************** - I should warn you, I'm an ex green beret, I have a black belt in taekwondo and I can lift five times my own weight! - I have explosives taped to my body. - You win. *************** - Was Darlene an accident? - No, she was a disaster. *************** - This is NOT a hangover. *************** - Take a deep breath, we're gonna do the torture thing. *************** - Well mister Fancypants, you're the leader of two things right now: Jack and Shit...and Jack left town. *************** - Trust me, I know what I'm doing! - Even God don't know what yer doin' *************** - How many husbands did you have? - Mine or other women's? *************** - You cut the guy up into 26 pieces!! - I found him that way! *************** - You're going through that door; now do you want it to be opened or closed? *************** - What's wrong with you? - Plenty. *************** - I'm gonna be frank! - I'm still gonna be Garth. *************** - Going nuts, it seemed like an atractive option. *************** - Take me, NOW! - Where? I'm low on gas and you really need a jacket. *************** - NOOOOOO! - I think your line is 'you murdering bastard!' *************** - Why does that not register on my surprise-meter? *************** - You're his friend, I buy that. But that doesn't give you the right to tear his life up like some cheap motelroom. *************** - He seemed okay. - Why? Because he was breathing? *************** - Were you born stupid or did you need lessons? - I took a class! *************** - You know, I'd storm right out of here if I had money or a place to go! *************** - Wasn't there anything good about him? - Well, sometimes he left the room... *************** - You have my word! - Don't you have anything more convincing? *************** - This isn't really my area. - I know it's not your area. You don't have an area unless it's a playground with buckets and spades. *************** - You're history, pal! You're Elvis! *************** - If your head was any harder it would etch glass! *************** - I saw something last night that scared the hell outta me! - Yeah, I saw it too, it was 'Baywatch Nights.' *************** - Did he say anything before he died? - Just gibberish. - Did you hear him say anything? - Sorry, he was bleeding too loud. *************** - I never did one thing right in my life. Not one! that takes skill. *************** - You couldn't hit a lake if you were standing on the bottom! *************** - Do something! Don't just stand there like a petrified forest! *************** - I'm hurt real bad, man. I think I'm dying! - Continue dying. *************** - I got it wrong? - Oh, people are gonna write countrysongs about how wrong you were. *************** - You know what the difference is between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care. *************** - Stay low, real low! - What do you want me to do? Get under the fucking car?! *************** - Why do I always shout first? Only gives them a chance to run away. Ah wel...I'm an idiot. *************** - It's not my decision, it came from upstairs. - Upstairs? Upstairs! We're on the top floor! Where did it come from, the fucking roof?!! *************** - You lost, so what's the point? - To piss you off, maybe? *************** - If you had to do it all over again, you'd do it differently. - Like hell I would! *************** - I feel like I'm losing my mind and...it's great! *************** - You always do this! You...you...Argh! I'm choking on my own rage, here! *************** - What are you gonna do, bleed on me? *************** - Years of insanity made you crazy. *************** - What's wrong? - Nothing a rooftop and an AK47 won't cure. *************** - Try not to make a mess when you die. *************** - What's the matter with you? - I've got a bad case of screw-this-place-itis. *************** - Man, he really is in love with himself, I thought it was only a summer thing. *************** - He's not dead, he's just trashed. *************** - I hope that one day you'll feel the undiscribable joy of having children, and paying someone else to raise them. *************** - Statistics say that nine out of ten men prefer women woth big boobs - Yeah, the tenth guy preferred the nine other men. *************** - Someday you'll find someone special, someone who won't press charges. *************** - They're so stupid that, if they were turkeys, they'd still be signig carols a week before Thanksgiving. *************** - Where's Shelly? - In the car. - Glove compartment? - Trunk. *************** - I'm saying this with love, truth and sisterly compassion, but you're full of shit! *************** - I don't drink! - What? Look at all the bottles?! - I had guests. - Who, Guns 'n' Roses? *************** - Weirdness is not a criminal offence. Luckily or you'd be serving a life sentence. *************** - He's a young boy! - He's a young boy with fantasies the mafia would pay for! *************** - I have a gun, it's loaded. Shut up! - But...we're having guests for dinner. *************** - Ah, we were just talking about you. - That's refreshing, usually you're screaming about us. *************** - If I were rich would you think better of me? - What kind of girl do you think I am? Ofcourse I would. *************** - I mean...he's chewing gum. - Gum makes me think. - Sweetie, you're waisting your gum. *************** - At first I was a mess and then things just got...worse. *************** - Are you all right? - Yeah, just a old football injury. - I didn't know you played. - I fell in the bleechers. *************** - It's an emergency! - My whole fuckin' life is an emergency! *************** - Who are you? - I'm his interpretor, I speak fluent bullshit. *************** - Oh, just shoot him, he's fuckin' up traffic! *************** - Did you hear what you just said? - No, I wasn't listening. *************** - Get off me! - We are so physical, aren't we? *************** - It could've been worse. I don't know how, but it could've been worse. *************** - I'm fuckin' drownin' here and you're describin' the fuckin' water!! *************** - I'm not trying to rescue you, I'm taking you along as emergency rations. *************** - Who are you? What are you? Who moved the rock? *************** - You must be pulling my leg. - Dude, if I were pullin' your leg, the only thing left in those pants would be a bloody stump. *************** - I beg you, stop it! - Why? - Because it's cruel and inhuman! - Ofcourse...but it's so much fun! *************** - Why is it the cute ones are always so slow? *************** - Would you die for me? - Yes!! - Promise? *************** - Very smart. With a mind like that you would've had a big carreer in gameshows. *************** - Gimme a kiss. - Gimme a twenty. *************** - Let's Houdini outta here! *************** - It doesn't matter if you hit another car, just don't hit another person! *************** -You should clean your room. Shit, if I did that my mum would die of shock! *************** - How can you put a price on a man's life? Insurance companies do it all the time. *************** - You are one demented dude! - You're probably right. *************** - When I'm done with you, you'll be singing falsetto! *************** - We fought. She cried. I cried. She threw things. They hit me. *************** - Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up. **************** - If this gets out, the next words you'll say will be muffled by your own butt! *************** - You remember me? - yeah, like a nightmare! - Actually, I consider that a compliment. *************** - She died under suspicious circumstances. - You think she was...? - I'm a police-officer, sir. I don't think anything! *************** - Her husband isn't dead. He's at home watching TV. In some households, that's considered being alive. *************** - Are you sexually active? - No, mostly I just lie there. *************** - Don't tell me you fell. - I was mopping, floor jumped up and hit me right in the face. *************** - There's a kind of freedom in being completely screwed. At least you know it can't get any worse. *************** - You can't shoot in there. - Then what am I supposed to do, use harsh language? *************** - Go on, jump of the roof! - What about all the people on the sidewalk? - Don't worry, they'll move. *************** - There was no harm done. - They broke seven of your ribs!! - Ah yes, but I got off several cutting remarks which undoubtedly did serious damage to their ego's. *************** - We could stand here all day, reminding ourselves of just how much we hate eachother, but you simply don't have the time. *************** - Life is a tale told by an idiot. *************** - I'm sensitive! I can cry! Okay, so it's mostly when I hurt myself, but I can cry! *************** - I'm showing off, that's the idiot version of being interesting. *************** *************** -I didn't mean to shoot! -What did you expect it to do? Squirt water?! *************** - You're out of your mind! - Yeah, ain't it cool? *************** -I'll hit you so hard they'll arrest you in El Paso for speeding! *************** - you son of a bitch, you tried to kill me!! - That don't mean I don't like you. *************** -Don't even attempt to grow a brain! *************** - You can't be serious. - I'm as serious as a heart-attack! *************** Well, we all know where this came from, but I just loved it. Mulder: So, lunch? Scully: Mulder! Toads just fell out of the sky! Mulder: Guess their parachutes didn't open. *************** - Do I look like I'm kidding? - I don't know, we just met. *************** - What are you doing? - Ehhhmmm...Murder in the first? **************** - Who are you? - The bad guy. **************** - What have I ever done to you? - You exist! *************** - God deliver me from dedicated men! *************** - Are you out of your mind?! - No, just out of bullets. *************** - Have you lost your mind? - According to my last psych-evaluation, yes. *************** - What's wrong with him? - My first thought would be...a lot. *************** - That's a joke. - Glad you told me that. *************** - Weren't you dead? - I got better. *************** - It's always a mess after a killing. *************** - Hey, this is great! Someone down there is trying to shoot us! - Yeah, great! - Don't you get what this means? - Yeah, we're going to die... - Besides that. - 'Besides that'??!! *************** - It's a whole new worls out there since the introduction of Prozac. *************** - Remember, this gun is pointed at your heart. - That's my least vulnerable place. *************** - Fuck you!! - Oooh, snappy come-back. *************** - I'm just trying to break the ice. - Don't, I like ice. *************** - What's he gonna do? Light a match and breathe on them? *************** - I wanna know what's going on! - Watch CNN. *************** - I wanna hear you scream in pain! - Play some rap-music. *************** - His personal space is the size of a football field. *************** - I am NOT a vampire! - Then what are you, the flying nun?! *************** - Your brain never forgets a thing. It only forgets where it put the thing in the first place. *************** - I tried to point out the advantages of not being normal. *************** - There are a lot more like me! - Well, maybe a future autopsy will show how you got to be his way. *************** - It's not whether you die, it's how you die that matters. *************** - I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. *************** - The quickest way to a man's heart is through the ribs with a knife. *************** - Friends help you move. Real friends help you move a body. *************** - Such a pretty day for a bloodbath! *************** - I'm a cop, drop your gun! - I'm a mental patient, I'm not impressed! *************** - I'm gonna count to three. - I'm not even gonna count! *************** - Look, we're alive, ain't we? - What if he had shot earlier? - Then we'd be dead. *************** - You're a cop, do something! - Like what? - Some cop-shit! *************** - You're supposed to be dead! - The miracle of Kevlar. *************** - Of all the things I lost in life, I miss my mind the most. *************** - If your body was in proportion to your brain, you'd be able to ride a swamprat. *************** - HELP!! - Maybe we should yell together? - Okay...TOGETHER!!! *************** - If hate were people, I'd be China. *************** - You're insane! - No, I thought I was a Libra. *************** - Where are we? - What do I look like, your travel-agent? *************** - This sucks in ways I haven't seen anything suck yet. ***************