The last entry of the week. Maybe I ought ot call it my final thought. But then you guys might start thinking that it's my final one forever and ever. I doubt if it would cause any havok, but I don't want to risk it. Moving on - I had an alright day; not that any of you out there really care much. As I recal it I was feeling alright up until I walked out of the school. It's like there was this invisible mesh or barrier on the door. They should have just put up a sign that says " you are now leaving happy land" and then ass soon as you cross the barrier you should see a sign which reads "you are currently in mellow-badville; population: YOU" just like that. Not only would it be somewhat mean, but it would also establish a direct boundry or township line between the various extremes. Wouldn't it be nice if we cold be given some kind of warning as to what kind of mood you were about to enter? I mean, after that happened me and my mother got into a little conversation about clothing and such and she remember the good old days, when I was only this high off of the ground (and then she'd put her hand like one foot off of the ground.) Well yea and We got nto a nice discussion but I was acting so goddamn witty and sarcastic towards her. I guess that happens to everyone from time-to-time. Not the whole clothing conversation with parents - but I mean that mood and such. I promise you that I'm not a moody of Manic-Depressive person. In fact, I'm just as normal as any other teenager... I think. Define a normal teenager. And using the word "adolescent" doesn't cut it either. I think that if people were to read the minds of everybody or anybody you'd see just how unlike our standards each person truly is. We consciously all hold back on so many urges and feelings and all of that stuff that if we were to express it, any of it at any given time, you'd see that there aren't too many great people out there. I've seen this first hand os many times. People telling me how they feel towards a person. And I'm not necessarily talking about holding in the urge to kill or throttle someone, romantic feelings is in on this too. We spend our whole lives containing things: anger, lust, thoughts, emotions... you name it and we contain it all. Granted that sometimes it may appear to "be for the greater good" or "not the right place" trust me I know of all the excuses. I've either invented them, used them or have heard them ump-teen times. And in those certain situations, whether it be for self prservation or benefit of other we do not. And I don't care how liberal or out there or blunt, straight forward or bold you are you have done it so don't even think about dening it. You're human my friend and whether or not you want to admit it you're inclusive of what I'm saying. But like I was saying - what of the times that we don't have to keep quiet. The time when if you do or don't it won't make any or that much of a difference? I'm not advocating political correctness/ quietness nor am I advocating extreme boldness for neither will get you as far as a balance will. Society has a tendency to hate too much of anything and this is becuase as humans we can either not control/ handle something of that magnitude or we feel mystified, suspcious and apprehensive towards another extreme; so I do not suggest you head to either end. much like everything else a balance is required but we are stil left with the question of why must we hold in so much? Is it the fact that we have built a society so based on the ideal of "political correctness" that our instincts and drives have, because of our own devices, become unacceptable? I suspect that this is partially the reason but there must be more. After all, one could argue that we have realized that our instinctive drives are not morally correct and ourselves as a race are attempting correct ourselves. Though this may be an end result I am not convinced that we realized exactly what it was we were doing when we instituted laws. Laws in themselves were originally designed for protection and retribution, not the correction of the human condition. The closest thing they ever got to correcting the human condition was wipping, torturing and finally death. "That'll teach him/ her to never do that again." Correction; perhaps but it is more a matter of prevention. Prevention to the degree whereby other will never be able to insult or degrade us ever again. Something tells me that with the primitive minds of our ancestors they were not worried about their instinctive nature. Now, I am not insinuating that they were in no way, shape or form unaware or ignorant to the way in which they were acting, naturally they did not find it primal but they knew what made each other tick, they knew what to expect out of each other just because it is both their and our nature to have survived but this is another point for later discussion. So the laws were not in place because we recognized the evil in ourselves and wanted to correct it, but because we recognized it in eachother and wanted to obtain retribution. So again, why is it that we even hold in as much as we do? Although nowadays the answer may be slighty attributed to the presence of laws and for those of you who are able to go a bit deeper you may believe that it is an innate quality due to the fact that everyone does it. And I believe that you may be unto something but if this be the case I will only ask one question: what makes some hold in more and other more 'liberal' then others? Environment? Afterall 'you are a product of your environment' which I do believe. Is it a matter of Environment plus personal uniqueness plus innateness + societial laws? It's quite feasible. Now by no stretch of the imagination am I a professional philosopher or a "philosopher king" as plato would say. I do believe however that we are all philosophers in our own regard. Even that single person who you don't think has much of a brain. Now as far as I'm concerned; everything in which I just wrote was dribble. Given the opprotunity I shall try to revise it. If you have any comments, concerns, complaints, contemplations, complications, fustrations, aggravations, allegations, accusations, insinuations, irritations, insults and/or inputs be sure to throw it in the comment page; I'm open to whatever you've got to say becuase I just respect you people that damn much *smiles* Alright, that's my thoughts for the day and if you haven't realized,due mostly to my mass amounts of nonesensical analyzations, my day was largely affected by my ability to not say what I wanted to... or possibly regretting not saying something in the past about various things when I had the chance or should have. God knows how many people or situations I could have actually have worked out properly. Maybe if I had given better advice? Whatever- don't bother listening to all this rubbish-like spiel. I'll check in from time-to-time to see what you guys have to say on the matter. If nothing's produced then it's alright - no hard feelings my friends. Thoughtfully, -Captain B. Holding