I feel somewhat guilty as well. I mean, let's think about this. Not only have I not been on for weeks, but I even missed my anniversary on the site. I apologize if I let you all down and wasn't able to deliver something spectacular. However, I decided that, in order to make up for this, I will do "A Year In Review"... like that 365 show on CNN, when they think that they're clever by taking a show who's name is "360" in degrees and turning it into 365 for the number of days in the year... I wonder what they do fo a leap year. 2004 started out like every other year of my teenage life. I was sitting on my computer... talking to the same girl, on MSn, that I've talked to on New Years eve and day since I was in about grade 8/9. But it was that day that started a new year full of various accomplishments, dowfalls and other mishaps. I'll run through this like a masercard commercial... only longer and less humourous with no particular end. 365 days = 8760 hours/ 525600 minutes/ 31536000 seconds = 031 major papers 8.5 exams 003 school clubs 002 skipped classes 000 charges 002 math courses 002 philosophy courses 002 business courses 002 english courses 002 religion courses 008 mediations 011 trips to the cinemas 003 hospital visitation trips 002 funerals attended 005 viewed theatre performances 110+ watched episodes of lovers and other strangers 200+ watched episodes of star trek: TNG 010+ dances 070+ singged hairs 011+ times being last 023+ times being second 003 ruined "knap-sacs" 001 broken briefcase(s) 003 good pens lost 002 donated marbles 004 rolls of duct tape 002 rolls of electrial tape 005 rolls of packing tape 001 roll(s) of masking tape 001 roll(s) of painter's tape 004 new decks of cards 120+ dollars in business 076+ s/n changes 002 computer reformattings 002 broken printers 002 new phones 008 good new bands discovered 036 burnt cds 002 broken stereos 017 purchased books 001 change of location 004 new room reconfigurations 010 bottles of gel 011 toothbrushes 004 chapsticks used 002 hair cuts 002 finished bottles of colonge 006 finished bottles of aftershave 019 disposed razors 002 eye glass prescriptions 052+ cups of tea 200+ bowls of oatmeal eaten 025+ boxes of KD eaten 035+ thousand kms driven 002 licence changes 001 new car(s) 001 car accident(s) (no relation to previous point) 010 car washes 002 replaced transmissions 002 replaced car starters 003 car breakdowns 006 girlfriends 010 prospective girlfriends 013+ missed romantic opportunities 001 time(s) shot down 001 time(s) shot down making up 001 hickey(s) 025+ new people met 004+ drifted friendships 002 major friendship squabbles 002 major friendship squabble make-ups 004 worthwhile reunions 002 suicides at school 012+ witnessed friendships ruined 015+ witnessed relationships ruined 010+ saved friendships 005+ unrecieved notes/ letters 003 unreturned notes/ letters 006 hurling friends 000 hangovers 003 parental altercations 007 truly meaningful conversations 010 deep conversations 400+ hours on the phone 009+ candles burnt 035+ sleepless nights 007 bubble baths (with self or other) 012 teary nights 021 reminiscent nights 007 roof-top nights 006 late-night walks 005 new poems 100+ written journal entries The problem with the new year is that it forces you to look back and think about what actually happened. and upon doing so, I realize that so much of it was so menial and just "filler." I mean, whe I look back on it, it all seems to lack value. Well, not all of it, but a great deal of it. We seem to spend every day, every week doing the same things, the months and ultimately years doing the same things. And while there are changes and little events, it seems to me that a good number of us never quite otain a real sense of value. And the problem doesn't necesarily lay there, it also lies in the people who have convinved themselves, or otherwise believe that they have done something important or meaningful when in fact they're efforts have proved just as fruitless as the person in whom they believe they share no relation to. Naturally this can partially be a result of an inflated self-image, but I suspect that with some of us it's just not wanting to accept the fact that we should be doing more than we really are. We shall never face an adversary as unforgiving as our own potential, and this is a major problem. We've learned to expand our minds, our wills and our aspirations, but the problem is that in doing so, we've neglected the simpler and perhaps even more complicated aspects of life, the little things that mae the world go 'round, the particular, have been sacrificed for a universally larger sum and that's been done in two ways. Over emphasising the particular thereby making specifics generalized and secondly, by negating and discluding all value of any particular which does not fit into a newly designed universality. Think about it and you'll probably come to see that both things are occuring... if you can think of another inclusive and demonstrable reason why all of this is happening, by or without contradicting me, let me know- I'm always open to new ideals or thought process'. 100 Signing Off's for the year, -Captain B. Counting