Ever get that feeling that the people you thought you could always trust and turn to weren't there for you? I mean, not becuase they did or didn't do something; I mean just because you felt like you couldn't trust them. Yea, Friday through to Today; my feeling exactly. Even right now, I'm hesitant on typing any of this here. Not because of who could stumble upon it, or who knows about this little haven of mine. Not at all, for I still trust said person... though, in all honesty, I haven't sat down and talked with her in such a long time, and for once in my life, I wish I could just call her up and spill all of this.But nonetheless, she be a busy person and as for me, well, I'm not exactly the person you want to hear on the other end of the telephone when you pick up. At any rate, where the hell was I? Oh, Here the hell I was. So I've been thinking about things, as usual. I mean, aside from all of the work and assignments I've been acquiring, I things have been relatively so. I've got some things on the go, as it stands, and although that can be tormenting, I've decided that it'll be whatever it'll be so I best leave well enough alone. I know, I know, that's not me at all - but these are relatively good things and so I think that maybe if, for once, I leave sometihng up to the fates it should be relatively alright, given the luck I make for myself and all. But as it stands, I've got this empty void sitting here in my chest. No, I'm not talking about that hole I have in my heart - the doctors fixed that up alright a few years back. Anyway, yea, I've just got this void, and I've been through a few ladies lately and... and well, nothing. Nothing at all. And now... And now I've got my sights set on a new venture, thinking maybe I can give this a shot too. I mean, some of the signals were definately there - giggling, coy-ness... interest despite boredom. Oh yea, see, most people never make it to that stage. Anyway, I see her around and such, and for some reason, I can't seem to even get a "hi" out of my mouth. I mean, I think I should be more direct and stop being such a wimp, but I'm still not convinced about anything. For all I know the only feeling present is a scared indifference to my existence. I mean, sure, she's not the kind of girl that every guy goes nuts over, nor is she the type of person that would fit in perfectly in every single situation; but she's got this damned cute innocence about her. Sad thing is that I'm no even friends with her and that'll be the toughest part... getting to know her. She's not in any of my classes, not even my grade. I know I'll have to "hit-up" the corridor scene... but who knows, maybe I can develop it all into something not half bad? Maybe. But what if I don't do this properly? Screw it up and drive her away? I mean, sure, it's always an issue- no matter what is going on, but I mean... yea. This just seems... different. Maybe I'm blowing this up too largely. Largely... was that even correct? Nevermind, doesn't matter because it's my bloody Journal. That's right. Anyway, This is what I've been thinking about since this morning and if anybody knew, I'd be toast because people are so difficult and try to set thigs up or they intrude or take offence or just get bosey/nosey. So I've made an executive decision to keep certain people out of the loop for security and privacy purposes. God forbid I should jepordize the entire operation on account of a few eople who want to know for their own person gain. I dislike people who have no sense of discretion or trustworthiness. But I know I can trust you, you've never betrayed me... though I have made some interesting revelations with you. Sitting around with a tri-latte; hold the water, or some tea even... yea the days of old. I eel ilke this is a ramble to one person, but it really isn't - I just continually end up using one person as a reference. I swear it isn't. I think I know what I have to do... or, at least I think I do. Sure planning is a good thing, but maybe tis is a time of action a little bit of less planing. Not to say that I ought to discount the validity of my planning, but I mean perhaps I ought to spend an equal amount of time doing as I do thinking about doing. Just because something exists in the mind doesn't mean that it exists in reality. God, that sounds like something from my Philosophy Essay. But all that aside... all that aside I think I want to get her for a few hoursto talk and get to know her better; than I'll decide what the hell I'll do. but for now, I'll just buy what I have to and make the most out of my money. We all good with that? Marvelous. Rolling over next to the wall, -Captain B. Lying in one Bed