I'm sitting in Bussiness class right now and needless to say that If I'm writing this, I am either: A. Done all the work B. Slightly Bored C. Missing you people D. All of the above. Come on now, you have to give me some point for at least trying to make up for the missed three days. Although I know that it is inexcusable, I firmly believe that somewhere deep down inside and in all your mercy, you'll find it in yourselves to forgive me. Please? Thus far, the day has yet to go according to plan due to a slight dip in period two's line-up. But hey - got to go with the flow correct? Correct. A least in fourth period I'll be able to execute something lighter and maybe, provide some sense of closure to this week. IS it just me, or did this week go by in a flash? Plenty of people I know did not realize that today was friday. Almost a oh how mindlessly drone like we've all become eh? Oh the torture. oh the shame of it all. Living a life with the mere goal of obtaining the mandatory financial and social gain is not living at all.Or at least that's how I see it. Im sure there are those of you out there who see it differently, but hey, if you got something you'd like to share with everyone feel free to leave a comment sign up for a diary yourself. And no that was not meant in a rude way or anythin - just in a helping/ suggestive way. Gotta keep it nice, neat, friendly and clean right? Well, I think this goes w/o saying but over the past couple of days I've done a lot of thinking - what with me running behind schedule with various thigs and such. I'm curious though, have you ever had those thoughts that sem so good and you think everything out and is seems so good and then you end up forgettting it all the morning after when you wake up? And no, I'm not tlaking about getting pastered, doing sometihng stupid the night of and then waking up the next morning saying "what was I thinking last night, oh dear christ!" Not thta tkind of thing but the feeling can be the same thing: the feeling of startlment, displeasement, disappointment - all of those great things and even more. Ever have that kind fo experience. Well, with al of the things I've thought over this week fall into this category . It's almost as if all of my inner thoughts for the week have been wiped clean of my memory. I bet it's like that episode of Star Trek where their memories were wriped clean so that they wouldn't remember what happened or else they'd be destroyed. Only I partially remember... Alright so it's nothing like that but it semi-sounded good at the time. Well, it semi-sounded good to me anyway. Have you... Have you ever, wow, this is going to sound nuts but bear with me here. Have you ever dated someone, I mean years ago, ended the relationship and carried on as really good friends from then until now? If you haven't, don't feel bad - it doesn't happen as often as you might think. If you have, follow with me here. Now let's day that you two have continued to be friends and like two three years later, what you ever felt like you never truly stopped loving this person? I know that it doesn't sound right or even logical but who said love has to be? I'm just curious - has it ever happened to you? Where you almost feel like the person took a part of you and you took a part of them; but not in a hurtful way - almost in a comforting way in the sense that you two will always be there for each other, that you two will stay with the other forever? Maybe I'm nuts; maybe I've got no idea what I'm talking about *ponders* But getting back to the situation, I'm thinking there's at least one of you who this has happened to- I don't think I'm the only one here; or at least I hope I'm not. And the other day her and I both made a startling discover; something I'd never thought I'd ever hear her say again to me... She told me that she loved me. She's never been totally trusting when it came to saying that, but yesterday we were just messing around - she as making dolls as usual on the internet and then we started to dance to a song that used to be "our song" - you know, that song that you and your partner has so that everytime you hear it on the radio you get this coy look on your face and this stupid little grin appears out of no-where. Yea, that song. I don't know, I guess you could blame me because I pulled her to dance to it, but I was only semi-joking around. And then about an hour later we're still just hanging around - we were just talking and somehow we ended up holding each other... I'll tell ya she hasn't lost a bit of her charm, personality, looks - nothing. Maybe that's what makes it so special; years have passed and still she never once left my list. granted at times ther was more of a problem of me finding her unavaliable as opposed to unattractive on any level, but still there was just something about her that I never could put my finger on. I'm not saying she's that ideal girl I was talking about earlier, because there's no such thing as that out there - it's highly improbable. All I am saying is that she's... well, there's still a part of me that really wants to be with her. Just the yesterday we established that we both have strong feelings for each other that never truly vaporized with the ending of our relationship years ago and in all honesty she was basically the only one I ever dated that I really felt a sense of closure with... the only one I really felt that ended prematurely. Or maybe that was the problem; we were both too young for something that serious. I know that I'd be a slightly different person if I had stayed with her, in what way I shall never know. Dont get me wrong - this is not about me regretting anything. Indeed a great deal I do but this entry was in no way supposed to be sorrowful, more self questioning of what should I do next? Correction: what should WE do next. I've got a few ideas in mind and as much as I'd like to start something and get involved with someone - namely here again, I'm thinking that something else will end up happening. I've got this feeling somewhere between my gut and my heart; probably my diaphram or something. But what I'm thinking is that we'll make the decision to probably wait. I know how it can sound stupid or something, but maybe until after she's done school; around there somewhere... I can't totally say for sure. I'm going to try and talk to her soon to try and get all this sorted out: what's the worse that could happen eh? Truly, -Captain B. *gasp* Head over Heels