I hate myself. I truely do. I hate the way I think, the way I look, just everything about me. I don't get how I've made it this far. If it weren't for assholes, I'd most likely wouldn't be like this. I might actually be just a little bit happier.
Yes, this is a new diary too. I have anouther one, but this one is only going to be for stuff I don't want my friends to know about, and if you do find out who's diary this is, you'll know everything that I've been hiding from you, so if you do find it...don't tell anyone else about it...please?
Today at lunch my friends really depressed me. They were like 'Well, if he's cheated on 5 girls before he went out with you he might cheat on you too' I really don't think he has cheated on 5 other girls though. I've heard that he cheated on one girl when he was in 4th or 5th grade, but come on...I'm sure he has matured over the 3 or 4 years later. He said he would never do that again and especially not to me. But...I just don't know. I'm scared, and it's hard for me since this is my first serious relationship. And I know he's not like that. I think he's only done it once and my friend is just over exaturating[sp?] like usuall. I mean she's only known him this year. So, she couldn't know about all of that stuff. Right?
I'm making this sound worse than it really is. I'm pathetic...
I cannot leave here. I cannot stay. Forever haunted more than afraid. Asphyxiate on words I would say. I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue. There are no flowers, no, not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak, I'd share with you, could I only speakJust how much this hurts me. I cannot stay here I cannot leave. Just like all loved, I'm make believe. Imagined heart, I disappear. Seems no one will appear here and make me real. There are no flowers, no, not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak, I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me. I'd tell you how it haunts me. I'd tell you how it haunts me.[Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams] I'd tell you how it haunts me[Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams]. You don't care how it haunts me. There are no flowers, no, not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak. I'd share with you, could I only speak. Just how much this hurts me...Just how much this hurts me...Just how much you...
-This Time Imperfect
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