I miss you so much. I miss him so much, Sunday is too far away, even though it's closer than it was yesturday. It feels like it's going to be forever. I forgot to write him a note, like I planed to do. Oh well, in 2 days it will be Sunday, and I'll be able to talk to him...hopefully. God, I'm pathetic...I go and read every e-mail he's ever sent to me...every comment he's ever given me...anything I can find that will fill the empty space of him not being here, or me not being able to talk to him. I'm thinking about last year. Some of the stuff I don't even remember...which is weird, because at the beginning of this year, I'm sure I remembered everything. All I can remember is always writing in my comp book while listening to AFI. Or all the times where Tara came over to my house and we hung out. I remember some other stuff...but that's about it. I wish I didn't throw away those comp books. But then again...maybe it's a good thing I did... I panic everytime someone looks through my comp book, because I keep on thinking of what happened last year. With Max...eh. Even though I know I don't write anything other than lyrics or Biographys in my comp books now, it's like I blank out, and think that there is personal stuff in there. Which is really weird? I think? Eh...I spilled Mountain DEW all over my AFI hoodie and keyboard...:( SHE STILL HASN'T E-MAILED ME BACK...Jesus...I wish she would e-mail me back...soon.... Question...is it pathetic if you read someone's WHOLE diary in one night? A diary you have read everyday, every entry he has wrote, yet you RE-READ everything again? Eh...I'm pathetic. I wish my throat would get better...it's REALLY pissing me off.... Oh, did I tell you I got my shoe back? I'm so cold. I need to buy those hoodies. I don't get why I haven't yet. Why am I waiting so long? Why hasn't she e-mailed me back yet? She's been on for 15 fucking hours and 49 min. You think she would have checked her mail by now...? Right? God, I'm desprite for those pictures. I'm so pathetic, I feel so weird also, I don't know why though. You think if a person thinks they're ugly mostly everyone else does too? I think it's weird. Narsasistic [sp?] people are loved by alot of people, just because they think they are SO sexay. If someone just started thinking they were hott, would everyone else too? Like thinking you're sexy would make you feel sexy, which would make you sexy? I don't know. I'm just rambling on and on about nothing. I'm sorry, I don't even get why I thought about that. I just wasted your time... I have had 7 Mountain DEWS tonight and yet, I am not hyper. It's...weird? I see them all glare at me as I walk by. It's so depressing. I've never done ANYTHING to them, yet they feel the need to make my life miserable. Well, it's not going to work. I have noticed that I make things seem worse than they truely are. I have the GREATEST boyfriend in the WHOLE world, I have a best friend who makes me happy and makes me smile almost every single day, I have a amazing home, and I'm completly spoiled even though I hate to admit it, I have an AWESOME grandmother, and I don't give her enought credit that she deserves, I have a GREAT dog, but I treat him like shit, and continue to call him names like : Fatass, Bitch, etc. I'm a horrible person. Atleast I can admit that. I need to be nicer to people. I take all my anger out on George, and that's horrible. After having a bad day of someone making fun of me, I would come home and do the same stuff to George as they did to me. I need to be better to him. He deserves it. He's a great dog, even though he humps anything he lays his eyes on. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I promised Tara that I would get down on my knees Monday and tie her god damn shoes, since she got on her knees and untied my shoe. I even said she could say things like 'Suck it bitch' or anything like that if she wanted to. After saying that she seemed much happier..and maybe I can get away without having to tie her stupid fucking chucks. :D....but I highly doubt it lol. I look into the mirror and I just want to smash it. I hate everything about me. My favorite feature about me is one of the things that I hate: my eyes. They're so...I don't know. I don't like them though. And my hair...I did like it ALOT, but then...I don't know...people starting giving me shit about it, but not anymore, which is really nice. My legs...eh. I HATE my legs. They're just....ew. I don't know. I hate everything about me. God I complain too much. I need to stop. I just wasted my whole Friday. This sucks. She still hasn't e-mailed me back...why hasn't she e-mailed me back. It was like 4 hours ago when I e-mailed her. Maybe she's just....ignoring me. But why? Why would she do that. She's my step-mom. She can't ignore me. I used to blame most of my problems all on her. Every since I met her my life just got worse and worse, no, I shouldn't say that...she hasn't caused my promblems...I heard from someone once, I forgot who, but they said 'You had a great life, but you're just fucking it up with your emotions' or something like. But, anyways..it's not her fault. I love her, she's the greatest step-mom ever. It's just...she took my dad away from me. Now he's an asshole. I don't know if she did that to him, or he's always been like that, and I was just too young to notice. I don't know. But everytime I'm talking to him...it's just not him. Not the dad I used to have. The one who would take me to the park every single day. The one when it was summer, take me to the pool, and teach me how to swim, the one that was always there for me. I don't know. Maybe he moved on from me and found someone better, not just someone, a whole familly, a whole familly that is better than me, these people include: Veronica, Marcus, Lucus, and Kortnee. But why should I care? I have someone better than all of them put together. I have friends who are WAY better than all of them. That's not true...can friends really replace familly? I've never really been close to my familly. Well, not since before 3d grade. Everything was so much better. What happened? Answer: I don't remember. Everything I just wrote I regret writing...and I'm sure soon, I'll re-read this and delete this entry, but I don't know. Maybe I'll re-read it and like it. I don't know...I just finally got some stuff off my chest...sortof. [[Well, now for some good news...]] [[!!!!!!!!!!15 MORE FUCKING DAYS TILL THE HIM CONCERT BIAAAAAATCH!!!!!!!!!!]] Oh yeah!!! :D